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Disclaimer I want to thank everyone for the gilds, replies and suggestions. I just do not have time to reply to everyone, but I am reading everything. I am not sure how much bigger the thread can be, I already typed this but it vanished so I think I'm at the limit. I will try to keep updating, but I don't expect the thread to be up top for much longer and will likely vanish soon, so if you need anything save it.
Yes, it's hard, it sucks, it's depressing. It is something we all have to do if you want to see this virus go. Everyone knows the deal, too many think they're the exception but no one is. However, staying home is hard so maybe I can help at least one or two people with some incentives. I'll try to give links to some things that can help cure the boredom, and some support if you need it.
Most of this might be obvious to some, some might not even have internet and of course, money is a big issue, so I'll try to give some suggestions:
For streaming and on demand things such as Netflix et al, don't forget you can subscribe for free for your first month. This goes for most things in the list. If you are worried about putting in your payment details and forgetting to cancel a month later, don't worry! You can sign up and immediately cancel and you still get your free month!
For people who don't have a smart TV, you can buy a cheap Amazon Fire TV stick or a Roku box. The Fire stick can go as low as £20 often for 1080p. It will drop to £30 for 4k.
I picked up a 4k Roku device for £18 on Amazon once. It's fast and snappy. currently it's going for £33 for the 4k version. Having both, there is little difference between the devices. NowTV also do their own roku powered device.
Subscription based streaming sites that all offer 2-4 weeks free for first timers

• Netflix *According to comments the second month is free.
  
• Amazon Prime You can either get Amazon video on its own, or take prime with other benefits. I strongly urge those who use Amazon for buying off their store front to use [https://smile.amazon.co.uk/] as there is literally no difference except everything you buy amazon donates to a charity of your choice.
  
• Now TV (I believe it's 7 days)
  
• Disney+
  
• Britbox
  
• Amazon channels. I believe you can get all these individually but Amazon offers them as channels bound to your prime account, and they are again either free for a couple weeks (again, take them, cancel instantly) or very cheap. I recently subscribed to Starzplay for £1 for 3 months. It has some good shows on it like Fringe, doom patrol. It also has channels like Curiosity stream and shudder
  

If you have not subscribed to the any of the above, you can get a few months of free TV by signing up and cancelling instantly. I suggest waiting at least 5 minutes just to let it go through the system.
Some tips for Now TV. IF you already have a subscription, I've noticed you can get it cheaper by cancelling. When you cancel they will beg you to stay. Select "I can not afford it this month" and they should beg again, telling you what shows they have. If you say you still want to cancel, they'll beg one last time and offer you the subscription for cheaper. This won't work every month, but I've noticed they'll always offer it the first time, then again after a couple months. If you're subscribed to both films and entertainment do the most expensive one as it may not work both times (but it might!). You can also pick up passes from storefronts a lot cheaper sometimes, before I could pick one up on Amazon for £3 but, they seem to have cracked down on it. If you shop around (or if anyone knows of a legitimate store please let me know) you might be able to pick it up cheaper. Lastly, check their website and under your account they should have an "offers for you" section.
Completely free TV

• Pluto TV
  
• Viki
  
• Roku
  

If you do have a smart TV and/or device, there are some good free streaming apps. One I really love is called PlutoTV. I know this is on both Roku and the fire stick, as well as Ps4/Ps5 and xbox.
Pluto offers a bunch of live channels and now an on demand section, all for free. It has adverts but they are actually short (shorter than regular TV and fewer of them). Some of the channels are just streaming certain shows like Mythbusters 24/7 or Dog the bounty hunter, but it has a lot of old movie channels as well as 24/7 kickboxing and MMA. It also has a 24/7 poker channel I quite like.
Another one I like is Rakuten Viki however, I haven't watched it for a while as my fire stick is only 1080p and I have too many other devices attached. I believe it is on Roku but you have to jump through some hoops and have an account. The last I checked on the fire stick you did not. Viki offers a metric ton of Asian shows, mainly from Japan and South Korea but it does have chinese, Malaysian etc. It has subtitles. Some Japanese shows are hysterical, albeit weird.
Roku also do their own channels with free shows if you own a device.
For those who don't have a smart TV or a Streaming device, you can set up your own computer as a dedicated streaming device with Plex. It's been a while since I used it but I believe it now also offers free movies and TV.
Anime
If you are into Anime there is

• Crunchyroll
  
• Funimation
  
• HiDive
  

The first 2 are free to watch, or offer premium without ads which you can have a trial with. Crunchyroll is the better of the two with more original choice for Japanese voice and subs, while Funimation has more Dubs. I don't believe HiDive is free to watch but you do get a 2 week trial. These are more exclusives than the previous two.
PC Centric software
If you are a gamer or like Audiobooks or anything that uses computers for things like music making, programming or graphic design

• Humble Bundle
  
• Fanatical
  
• IndieGala
  

Humble Bundle offers, as per the name, bundles. A long running site that got bought out by IGN. It offers both single items and bundles you can buy individually/as a pack while also offering a separate monthly subscription for around £8-9. The subscription gives you 12 games on average per month. That's the simplest explanation but it changes somewhat as sometimes you get to pick 10 out of 14 games, or get all 12.
Humble bundle offers more than just games though. Every Tuesday they bring a new bundle of games, while Thursday (I "think) a new bundle of books. They very often have books from the Black Library giving you a ton of Warhammer books. Sometimes it's standard E-books, other times it's audiobooks. A few times a year they do bundles for graphic design, a typical bundle would include programs like Paintshop Pro Corel Painter etc, They usually go for £0.76 for tier 1 up to around £18 for tier 3, which would include 4-6 full titles with 10+ addons. They also often have Music making bundles or video editing software as well as Programming or video game development.
The bundles change often, they usually have around 11 bundles at a time that last for 20 days. Sometimes it's trash but they do often have some very good deals.
Fanatical offers the same as humble bundle except usually not as high quality, but sometimes they do have some incredible deals, and they are very very cheap.
Both humble and fanatical are safe, trusted and been around a long time, and they are NOT grey market key sites. They work with the publishers and developers. You can buy games both old and new for a lot cheaper than you would most other places. Unless it states otherwise, keys are usually for steam.
**BOTH HB and Fanatical (HB much more common) offer free games fairly often. The catch is linking your steam account to them (at least HB). It is safe however.
IndieGala is another site like above. Except, these are much much lower quality. However, they offer a metric ton of free games. Quality is low but it is legitimate, and a lot of free stuff.
Game Store Fronts

• Steam This one is so obvious I didn't add it, but apparently many want me to. It is the best out there, and you can find almost everything, with fantastic deals.
  
• Greenmangaming offers games cheaply. Again, not a grey market site (which are legal but unethical) and they sometimes do bundles.
  
• GoG (Good old games) is a DRM free site run by CDPR, the makers of the Witcher 3 and Cyberpunk. They offer you games quite cheap and not needing DRM (such as Steam, Uplay etc which is less invasive versions of dodgy DRM from the olden days).
  
• Epic Games Despite the controversy whether you care about their rivalry with valve, they offer free games ever week. Without ever having bought anything I have gained over 170 games. literally. Good games for the most part. They often give you £10 coupons as well.
  
• Twitch Everyone knows twitch, but if you don't, it's a streaming service for watching gamers and girls with low cut tops accidentally bending over in front of the game. However, if you're signed up to prime, you get free games each month (and randomly between the set bunch).
  
• Playstation Store Currently has January sales. Currently the free games for PS+ are for PS4: Shadow of the Tomb Raider and Greedfall. For the Ps5 it is Maneater
  
• Games with Gold Bleed 2 and the King of Fighters XIII is available until Janurary 15th whilst little Nightmares is available until January 31st.
  

Gaming Subscriptions
Like the TV versions, you can sign up to these for a free trial (or very cheap). If you do sign up to only one at a time, it should keep you busy for a few months

• Xbox Game Pass You can do this on both/either an Xbox or PC. If you sign up to the regular one, you can get a month (maybe three!) for £1. After you have done that, you can sign up to the premium version for 3 months at £1 a month. Most people know game pass, but you can download a large selection of games for free. The premium version gives you games with gold, allowing you to keep the games forever (but can only play with a subscription)
  
• Ubisoft+ I'm not 100% sure if you get a trial or not. This allows a large collection of Ubisoft titles to play for £12.99 a month. Quite expensive but good if you like Ubisoft titles I guess.
  
• EA Play EA's version. Goes by a ton of names I think, EA Access, EA Play, Origin Access etc etc. There's a couple of versions of this, and it is across all platforms (PS4/5, Xbox, PC) but not sure about the switch. I "think" the premium allows you to play on all platforms, while the cheaper one on a single platform, but I may be mistaken.
  
• PS Now a once terrible service that is now actually very good. Allows you to download some Ps4 games to your PS4/5 and lets you stream a massive amount of Ps2/3/4 to your PC or playstation.
  

There's more like nvidia's service but you need the Shield device which is quite expensive. I'll leave it at that.
Audiobooks & Ebooks

• Audible Not sure what the current deal is but if you are a prime member you can sign up for a trial and get a free Audiobook each month for 3 months. Some warhammer books are 48 hours long, 3 of those gives you a good 100+ hours of listening!
  
• Comixology Another Amazon company, but lets you download some free comics I believe.
  
• Marvel Unlimited No experience with this. ItFuckingWont wanted me to add it. A subscription service for Marvel.
  

Education

• Sign Language BSL here No experience myself, suggested by n21brown and asked for a few times. Didn't know SL was so popular! Listed as "Pay what you can"
  
• BBC's Bitesize here is apparently good for home learning. Again, no personal experience.
  

If you need some spare change
Okay, I don't generally bother with it, but maybe some of this could be useful to you. These are NOT a quick way to make a fortune. These are small things you can do over time for a bit of pocket change

• If you have prime you can get a FREE FIVE POUND GIFT CARD by literally just streaming a song from Amazon music (which is included in prime) here is the details According to the comments it's only for select people, but it's worth trying If the link doesn't work for you just google "Amazon £5 coupon music"
  
• Now, these sorts of sites have been around for years, I haven't used any other than talkInsights which I must have signed up to 10-15 years ago. Basically they send you surveys and you answer them. They are confidential and don't ask for personal details in the survey. You need 2000 points and you get £20. During the pandemic they've slowed down but I probably get around £40 a year. Not much I know, but it's an email followed by a quick survey ticking boxes. Depending on your answer sometimes you get screened out, I'm not telling you to lie but just be consistent with your answers and you should be able to work out how to not get screened. Some emails are only worth 20 points, others 200. It's slow to get to the 2000 but very quick to just answer a few questions.
  
• Apparently beermoneyuk is a good sub to make some pocket change with.
  
• There is also matched betting. I have never done this, I don't have the patience but from what I've read, it's legitimate, it works and you can make a fair amount of cash from it so long as you do it correctly, and there's a ton of guides. I mention this because people stuck at home could get into it and as long as you're careful (I.E not entering in the wrong numbers) it's risk free AND it pisses off the betting shops. It seems people in comments have had success with it. Disclaimer A couple have complained about gambling. This arguably is not gambling. If you are susceptible to addiction do not do it. However, it's argued that there is no fun or buzz in this, and it's a very tedious and time consuming thing. Others argue you can't make the same money anymore (People were making thousands, now only hundreds if that). It's risk free providing you know what you're doing, the risks are user error, such as entering the wrong numbers. Someone pointed out that due to the lockdown, bets could potentially be cancelled due to sport stopping. So use on a side of caution. We're (mainly) adults so I'll leave it up just because this doesn't have the excitement of regular gambling.
  
• Microsoft Rewards This is an easy way to make pocket change doing very little. Most people have a MS account. The rewards program offers you numerous ways to grab points, by playing free to play games, answering small questions (you don't even need to answer most of the time, just open the link and shut it) and by using bing and searching on it. I've gotten 20k points JUST by answering questions over a couple months. There are many rewards but you can grab a £5 gift card for 6k for example, or a month of game pass (and AFAIK you can make points playing the games)
  
• Google rewards Someone mentioned this in the comments. I have not used it, so can not give any input on it. Sounds similar to TalkInsights which I linked. Google states "Complete short surveys while standing in line, or waiting for a subway. Get rewarded with Google Play or PayPal credit for each one you complete. Topics include everything from opinion polls, to hotel reviews, to merchant satisfaction surveys. We’ll notify you when a survey is waiting."
  

That's it for now. I will try to update as I go along. A long post but I hope that it can help some of you with finding something good to do that's free, cheap or a bargain. I do suggest getting prime, especially since you get free music, free delivery, free TV and music and free video games each month. In fact, there's a ton of perks and I feel I've gotten way over the cost investment.
Hope it helps someone at least
PartTimeCrazy said if you bought an Apple product you get 3 free months of Apple Arcade and Apple TV free for a year
fakehunted is upset I didn't mention wanking. Tesco have 225 sheets of Tissue for £0.75!
tale_lost suggested Project Gutenberg for a collection of free E-Books
Learning Language
Unfortunately, I don't have time to check every link listed so I will link the comments:
Togtogtog Gives a lot of links for Spanish

• Duolingo Numerous people have suggested this So I haven't used myself. Thanks to OhHiGCHQ StephanieMecredy & Allorie_95

Board & Tabletop games
Corporal_Anaesthetic has made a list of Board games
ilyemco suggested these
HEALTH
I'm not a doctor! But if you're a smoker, something I strongly suggest is to quit. I struggled for years but in the first lockdown I quit, technically. I haven't had a cigarette since, however, I do that silly thing millennials do. I vape, but, it made quitting extremely easy. I would not have been able to do it if it wasn't for 88Vape They sell extremely cheap liquids at £1 each. You can find these in B&M but you can pick up 25 for £20 or buy your own mix.
Vitamin D deficiency has been said to be a big problem for the virus. I'd suggest (again, not a doctor!) that you pick some up. Tesco do a 3 for 2 deal. So you can pick up 270 tablets for £7.
If you are vulnerable you MIGHT be able to phone tesco and get put on their delivery saver list (currently it's paused but phoning may help. At the very least they might give you a priority slot. I did this for my mum, we didn't shop at Tesco but I phoned for her, and they put her on with no hassle, so she can always get a delivery.
HELP & ADVICE
The lockdown Rules.
Reasons to leave home include:

• Work or volunteering where it is "unreasonable" to work from home. This includes work in someone else's home, such as that carried out by social workers, nannies, cleaners and tradespeople
  
• Education, training, childcare and medical appointments and emergencies
  
• Exercise outdoors (limited to once a day). This includes meeting one other person from another household in an open public space to exercise
  
• Shopping for essentials such as food and medicine
  
• Communal religious worship
  
• Meeting your support or childcare bubble. Children can also move between separated parents Activities related to moving house
  

I want to add, if you are in danger you are also allowed (and must!) to get away from the situation for some reason, BBC seems to have missed this very important thing (or I am blind)

• To flee the threat of harm or violence.*
  
• CoronaVirus Symptoms
  
• CoronaVirus government site You can check your location and how many cases here.
  
• Worldometers Shows cases around the world.
  
• Interactive UK Map Another easy to read map with cases in counties and local area's.
  
• World Health Organisation
  

Support

• Samaritans
  
• Mental Health UK forum on reddit
  
• Link to above's stick post for support outlets
  
• Mindful
  
• Mind.org
  

FOR THOSE SHIELDING YOU CAN CONTACT THE ROYAL VOLUNTARY SERVICE. These people helped my mother with picking up her medicine from the chemist. They were very helpful and went out their way to keep in touch and do it immediately. (It's the only experience I have with them though)
_riotingpacifist wanted these links added, but I simply just don't have the time to vet and check all the suggestions here, so I will link as is:

• https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/
  
• https://www.goodsamapp.org/
  
• https://vaccinationvolunteers.sja.org.uk/roles/volunteer-vaccinator.html
  
• https://nhsvolunteerresponders.org.uk/getting-you-started-guide-steward-volunteer
  
• https://peoplesmomentum.com/evictionresistance/
  
• https://londonrentersunion.org/
  

Update:
Digital Art
These are Free

• Krita Arguably the best in my opinion. It has a load of options, brushes and a decent UI. It works fantastic with a tablet.
  
• Gimp This is a decent program but last I used, the UI was a pain, and it isn't so user friendly while misses features, but it works, and it is possible to do some incredible creations on it.
  
• Medibang Paint This is slightly geared towards Comics and Manga. I really enjoy using this with my drawing Tablet. As far as I know, it also for regular tablets for Android/Ipad and is free.
  

You can pick up a drawing tablet on Amazon quite cheap these days! Small ones that are just a black slate such as the wacom ones are good but takes some practice to get use to, but very worth it if you can't afford a dedicated drawing tablet with a screen.
Office suit software
A couple of free applications for word processing, spreadsheets etc.

• LibreOffice This has most the average user would need to write their own books or to work from home. There's not a huge amount of difference between the two I'm linking (since I last used anyway) so it's more for preference.
  
• Open Office You can pick this up here and again, like above it's just preference.
  

Music Making
I'm going to direct to matthewharris806 for some links as all the programs I've used like Reason are expensive, or cheaper stuff in bundles such as Magix software.
Games development
D_Dad_Default gives some links for that here

Disclaimer I am posting this here because I got a message from the mods asking me to. I'm not from London so links aren't London centric (but hopefully still of help) and the main post is here so any updates will likely be there (I will try here but it's hard to keep up with the amount of suggestions)
Thanks.
Yes, it's hard, it sucks, it's depressing. It is something we all have to do if you want to see this virus go. Everyone knows the deal, too many think they're the exception but no one is. However, staying home is hard so maybe I can help at least one or two people with some incentives. I'll try to give links to some things that can help cure the boredom, and some support if you need it.
Most of this might be obvious to some, some might not even have internet and of course, money is a big issue, so I'll try to give some suggestions:
For streaming and on demand things such as Netflix et al, don't forget you can subscribe for free for your first month. This goes for most things in the list. If you are worried about putting in your payment details and forgetting to cancel a month later, don't worry! You can sign up and immediately cancel and you still get your free month!
For people who don't have a smart TV, you can buy a cheap Amazon Fire TV stick or a Roku box. The Fire stick can go as low as £20 often for 1080p. It will drop to £30 for 4k.
I picked up a 4k Roku device for £18 on Amazon once. It's fast and snappy. currently it's going for £33 for the 4k version. Having both, there is little difference between the devices. NowTV also do their own roku powered device.
Subscription based streaming sites that all offer 2-4 weeks free for first timers

• Netflix *According to comments the second month is free.
  
• Amazon Prime You can either get Amazon video on its own, or take prime with other benefits. I strongly urge those who use Amazon for buying off their store front to use [https://smile.amazon.co.uk/] as there is literally no difference except everything you buy amazon donates to a charity of your choice.
  
• Now TV (I believe it's 7 days)
  
• Disney+
  
• Britbox
  
• Amazon channels. I believe you can get all these individually but Amazon offers them as channels bound to your prime account, and they are again either free for a couple weeks (again, take them, cancel instantly) or very cheap. I recently subscribed to Starzplay for £1 for 3 months. It has some good shows on it like Fringe, doom patrol. It also has channels like Curiosity stream and shudder
  

If you have not subscribed to the any of the above, you can get a few months of free TV by signing up and cancelling instantly. I suggest waiting at least 5 minutes just to let it go through the system.
Some tips for Now TV. IF you already have a subscription, I've noticed you can get it cheaper by cancelling. When you cancel they will beg you to stay. Select "I can not afford it this month" and they should beg again, telling you what shows they have. If you say you still want to cancel, they'll beg one last time and offer you the subscription for cheaper. This won't work every month, but I've noticed they'll always offer it the first time, then again after a couple months. If you're subscribed to both films and entertainment do the most expensive one as it may not work both times (but it might!). You can also pick up passes from storefronts a lot cheaper sometimes, before I could pick one up on Amazon for £3 but, they seem to have cracked down on it. If you shop around (or if anyone knows of a legitimate store please let me know) you might be able to pick it up cheaper. Lastly, check their website and under your account they should have an "offers for you" section.
Completely free TV

• Pluto TV
  
• Viki
  
• Roku
  

If you do have a smart TV and/or device, there are some good free streaming apps. One I really love is called PlutoTV. I know this is on both Roku and the fire stick, as well as Ps4/Ps5 and xbox.
Pluto offers a bunch of live channels and now an on demand section, all for free. It has adverts but they are actually short (shorter than regular TV and fewer of them). Some of the channels are just streaming certain shows like Mythbusters 24/7 or Dog the bounty hunter, but it has a lot of old movie channels as well as 24/7 kickboxing and MMA. It also has a 24/7 poker channel I quite like.
Another one I like is Rakuten Viki however, I haven't watched it for a while as my fire stick is only 1080p and I have too many other devices attached. I believe it is on Roku but you have to jump through some hoops and have an account. The last I checked on the fire stick you did not. Viki offers a metric ton of Asian shows, mainly from Japan and South Korea but it does have chinese, Malaysian etc. It has subtitles. Some Japanese shows are hysterical, albeit weird.
Roku also do their own channels with free shows if you own a device.
For those who don't have a smart TV or a Streaming device, you can set up your own computer as a dedicated streaming device with Plex. It's been a while since I used it but I believe it now also offers free movies and TV.
Anime
If you are into Anime there is

• Crunchyroll
  
• Funimation
  
• HiDive
  

The first 2 are free to watch, or offer premium without ads which you can have a trial with. Crunchyroll is the better of the two with more original choice for Japanese voice and subs, while Funimation has more Dubs. I don't believe HiDive is free to watch but you do get a 2 week trial. These are more exclusives than the previous two.
PC Centric software
If you are a gamer or like Audiobooks or anything that uses computers for things like music making, programming or graphic design

• Humble Bundle
  
• Fanatical
  
• IndieGala
  

Humble Bundle offers, as per the name, bundles. A long running site that got bought out by IGN. It offers both single items and bundles you can buy individually/as a pack while also offering a separate monthly subscription for around £8-9. The subscription gives you 12 games on average per month. That's the simplest explanation but it changes somewhat as sometimes you get to pick 10 out of 14 games, or get all 12.
Humble bundle offers more than just games though. Every Tuesday they bring a new bundle of games, while Thursday (I "think) a new bundle of books. They very often have books from the Black Library giving you a ton of Warhammer books. Sometimes it's standard E-books, other times it's audiobooks. A few times a year they do bundles for graphic design, a typical bundle would include programs like Paintshop Pro Corel Painter etc, They usually go for £0.76 for tier 1 up to around £18 for tier 3, which would include 4-6 full titles with 10+ addons. They also often have Music making bundles or video editing software as well as Programming or video game development.
The bundles change often, they usually have around 11 bundles at a time that last for 20 days. Sometimes it's trash but they do often have some very good deals.
Fanatical offers the same as humble bundle except usually not as high quality, but sometimes they do have some incredible deals, and they are very very cheap.
Both humble and fanatical are safe, trusted and been around a long time, and they are NOT grey market key sites. They work with the publishers and developers. You can buy games both old and new for a lot cheaper than you would most other places. Unless it states otherwise, keys are usually for steam.
**BOTH HB and Fanatical (HB much more common) offer free games fairly often. The catch is linking your steam account to them (at least HB). It is safe however.
IndieGala is another site like above. Except, these are much much lower quality. However, they offer a metric ton of free games. Quality is low but it is legitimate, and a lot of free stuff.
Game Store Fronts

• Steam This one is so obvious I didn't add it, but apparently many want me to. It is the best out there, and you can find almost everything, with fantastic deals.
  
• Greenmangaming offers games cheaply. Again, not a grey market site (which are legal but unethical) and they sometimes do bundles.
  
• GoG (Good old games) is a DRM free site run by CDPR, the makers of the Witcher 3 and Cyberpunk. They offer you games quite cheap and not needing DRM (such as Steam, Uplay etc which is less invasive versions of dodgy DRM from the olden days).
  
• Epic Games Despite the controversy whether you care about their rivalry with valve, they offer free games ever week. Without ever having bought anything I have gained over 170 games. literally. Good games for the most part. They often give you £10 coupons as well.
  
• Twitch Everyone knows twitch, but if you don't, it's a streaming service for watching gamers and girls with low cut tops accidentally bending over in front of the game. However, if you're signed up to prime, you get free games each month (and randomly between the set bunch).
  
• Playstation Store Currently has January sales. Currently the free games for PS+ are for PS4: Shadow of the Tomb Raider and Greedfall. For the Ps5 it is Maneater
  
• Games with Gold Bleed 2 and the King of Fighters XIII is available until Janurary 15th whilst little Nightmares is available until January 31st.
  

Gaming Subscriptions
Like the TV versions, you can sign up to these for a free trial (or very cheap). If you do sign up to only one at a time, it should keep you busy for a few months

• Xbox Game Pass You can do this on both/either an Xbox or PC. If you sign up to the regular one, you can get a month (maybe three!) for £1. After you have done that, you can sign up to the premium version for 3 months at £1 a month. Most people know game pass, but you can download a large selection of games for free. The premium version gives you games with gold, allowing you to keep the games forever (but can only play with a subscription)
  
• Ubisoft+ I'm not 100% sure if you get a trial or not. This allows a large collection of Ubisoft titles to play for £12.99 a month. Quite expensive but good if you like Ubisoft titles I guess.
  
• EA Play EA's version. Goes by a ton of names I think, EA Access, EA Play, Origin Access etc etc. There's a couple of versions of this, and it is across all platforms (PS4/5, Xbox, PC) but not sure about the switch. I "think" the premium allows you to play on all platforms, while the cheaper one on a single platform, but I may be mistaken.
  
• PS Now a once terrible service that is now actually very good. Allows you to download some Ps4 games to your PS4/5 and lets you stream a massive amount of Ps2/3/4 to your PC or playstation.
  

There's more like nvidia's service but you need the Shield device which is quite expensive. I'll leave it at that.
Audiobooks & Ebooks

• Audible Not sure what the current deal is but if you are a prime member you can sign up for a trial and get a free Audiobook each month for 3 months. Some warhammer books are 48 hours long, 3 of those gives you a good 100+ hours of listening!
  
• Comixology Another Amazon company, but lets you download some free comics I believe.
  
• Marvel Unlimited No experience with this. ItFuckingWont wanted me to add it. A subscription service for Marvel.
  

Education

• Sign Language BSL here No experience myself, suggested by n21brown and asked for a few times. Didn't know SL was so popular! Listed as "Pay what you can"
  
• BBC's Bitesize here is apparently good for home learning. Again, no personal experience.
  

If you need some spare change
Okay, I don't generally bother with it, but maybe some of this could be useful to you. These are NOT a quick way to make a fortune. These are small things you can do over time for a bit of pocket change

• If you have prime you can get a FREE FIVE POUND GIFT CARD by literally just streaming a song from Amazon music (which is included in prime) here is the details According to the comments it's only for select people, but it's worth trying If the link doesn't work for you just google "Amazon £5 coupon music"
  
• Now, these sorts of sites have been around for years, I haven't used any other than talkInsights which I must have signed up to 10-15 years ago. Basically they send you surveys and you answer them. They are confidential and don't ask for personal details in the survey. You need 2000 points and you get £20. During the pandemic they've slowed down but I probably get around £40 a year. Not much I know, but it's an email followed by a quick survey ticking boxes. Depending on your answer sometimes you get screened out, I'm not telling you to lie but just be consistent with your answers and you should be able to work out how to not get screened. Some emails are only worth 20 points, others 200. It's slow to get to the 2000 but very quick to just answer a few questions.
  
• Apparently beermoneyuk is a good sub to make some pocket change with.
  
• There is also matched betting. I have never done this, I don't have the patience but from what I've read, it's legitimate, it works and you can make a fair amount of cash from it so long as you do it correctly, and there's a ton of guides. I mention this because people stuck at home could get into it and as long as you're careful (I.E not entering in the wrong numbers) it's risk free AND it pisses off the betting shops. It seems people in comments have had success with it. Disclaimer A couple have complained about gambling. This arguably is not gambling. If you are susceptible to addiction do not do it. However, it's argued that there is no fun or buzz in this, and it's a very tedious and time consuming thing. Others argue you can't make the same money anymore (People were making thousands, now only hundreds if that). It's risk free providing you know what you're doing, the risks are user error, such as entering the wrong numbers. Someone pointed out that due to the lockdown, bets could potentially be cancelled due to sport stopping. So use on a side of caution. We're (mainly) adults so I'll leave it up just because this doesn't have the excitement of regular gambling.
  
• Microsoft Rewards This is an easy way to make pocket change doing very little. Most people have a MS account. The rewards program offers you numerous ways to grab points, by playing free to play games, answering small questions (you don't even need to answer most of the time, just open the link and shut it) and by using bing and searching on it. I've gotten 20k points JUST by answering questions over a couple months. There are many rewards but you can grab a £5 gift card for 6k for example, or a month of game pass (and AFAIK you can make points playing the games)
  
• Google rewards Someone mentioned this in the comments. I have not used it, so can not give any input on it. Sounds similar to TalkInsights which I linked. Google states "Complete short surveys while standing in line, or waiting for a subway. Get rewarded with Google Play or PayPal credit for each one you complete. Topics include everything from opinion polls, to hotel reviews, to merchant satisfaction surveys. We’ll notify you when a survey is waiting."
  

That's it for now. I will try to update as I go along. A long post but I hope that it can help some of you with finding something good to do that's free, cheap or a bargain. I do suggest getting prime, especially since you get free music, free delivery, free TV and music and free video games each month. In fact, there's a ton of perks and I feel I've gotten way over the cost investment.
Hope it helps someone at least
PartTimeCrazy said if you bought an Apple product you get 3 free months of Apple Arcade and Apple TV free for a year
fakehunted is upset I didn't mention wanking. Tesco have 225 sheets of Tissue for £0.75!
tale_lost suggested Project Gutenberg for a collection of free E-Books
Learning Language
Unfortunately, I don't have time to check every link listed so I will link the comments:
Togtogtog Gives a lot of links for Spanish

• Duolingo Numerous people have suggested this So I haven't used myself. Thanks to OhHiGCHQ StephanieMecredy & Allorie_95

Board & Tabletop games
Corporal_Anaesthetic has made a list of Board games
ilyemco suggested these
HEALTH
I'm not a doctor! But if you're a smoker, something I strongly suggest is to quit. I struggled for years but in the first lockdown I quit, technically. I haven't had a cigarette since, however, I do that silly thing millennials do. I vape, but, it made quitting extremely easy. I would not have been able to do it if it wasn't for 88Vape They sell extremely cheap liquids at £1 each. You can find these in B&M but you can pick up 25 for £20 or buy your own mix.
Vitamin D deficiency has been said to be a big problem for the virus. I'd suggest (again, not a doctor!) that you pick some up. Tesco do a 3 for 2 deal. So you can pick up 270 tablets for £7.
If you are vulnerable you MIGHT be able to phone tesco and get put on their delivery saver list (currently it's paused but phoning may help. At the very least they might give you a priority slot. I did this for my mum, we didn't shop at Tesco but I phoned for her, and they put her on with no hassle, so she can always get a delivery.
HELP & ADVICE
The lockdown Rules.
Reasons to leave home include:

• Work or volunteering where it is "unreasonable" to work from home. This includes work in someone else's home, such as that carried out by social workers, nannies, cleaners and tradespeople
  
• Education, training, childcare and medical appointments and emergencies
  
• Exercise outdoors (limited to once a day). This includes meeting one other person from another household in an open public space to exercise
  
• Shopping for essentials such as food and medicine
  
• Communal religious worship
  
• Meeting your support or childcare bubble. Children can also move between separated parents Activities related to moving house
  

I want to add, if you are in danger you are also allowed (and must!) to get away from the situation for some reason, BBC seems to have missed this very important thing (or I am blind)

• To flee the threat of harm or violence.*
  
• CoronaVirus Symptoms
  
• CoronaVirus government site You can check your location and how many cases here.
  
• Worldometers Shows cases around the world.
  
• Interactive UK Map Another easy to read map with cases in counties and local area's.
  
• World Health Organisation
  

Support

• Samaritans
  
• Mental Health UK forum on reddit
  
• Link to above's stick post for support outlets
  
• Mindful
  
• Mind.org
  

FOR THOSE SHIELDING YOU CAN CONTACT THE ROYAL VOLUNTARY SERVICE. These people helped my mother with picking up her medicine from the chemist. They were very helpful and went out their way to keep in touch and do it immediately. (It's the only experience I have with them though)
_riotingpacifist wanted this links added, but I simply just don't have the time to vet and check all the suggestions here, so I will link as is:

• https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/
  
• https://www.goodsamapp.org/
  
• https://vaccinationvolunteers.sja.org.uk/roles/volunteer-vaccinator.html
  
• https://nhsvolunteerresponders.org.uk/getting-you-started-guide-steward-volunteer
  
• https://peoplesmomentum.com/evictionresistance/
  
• https://londonrentersunion.org/
  

Update:
Digital Art
These are Free

• Krita Arguably the best in my opinion. It has a load of options, brushes and a decent UI. It works fantastic with a tablet.
  
• Gimp This is a decent program but last I used, the UI was a pain, and it isn't so user friendly while misses features, but it works, and it is possible to do some incredible creations on it.
  
• Medibang Paint This is slightly geared towards Comics and Manga. I really enjoy using this with my drawing Tablet. As far as I know, it also for regular tablets for Android/Ipad and is free.
  

You can pick up a drawing tablet on Amazon quite cheap these days! Small ones that are just a black slate such as the wacom ones are good but takes some practice to get use to, but very worth it if you can't afford a dedicated drawing tablet with a screen.
Office suit software
A couple of free applications for word processing, spreadsheets etc.

• LibreOffice This has most the average user would need to write their own books or to work from home. There's not a huge amount of difference between the two I'm linking (since I last used anyway) so it's more for preference.
  
• Open Office You can pick this up here and again, like above it's just preference.
  

Music Making
I'm going to direct to matthewharris806 for some links as all the programs I've used like Reason are expensive, or cheaper stuff in bundles such as Magix software.
Games development
D_Dad_Default gives some links for that here

I was going to just let my Simple account roll over to the new bank to see how they handled it but since my card started getting declined all over the place for no reason and support was no help, I decided to jump ship. After Envel breaking and lot letting me sign up, and Schwab turning me down for lack of credit history (I've basically lived off-grid in terms of debt all my life), I settled on SoFi as my first trial for a new primary bank. Since I really wish there'd been more posts like this to help me compare options, I'm making one for SoFi. I'll go through the big Simple features one by one and make a comparison.

Goals (Vaults):

Vaults are, for all intents and purposes, identical to Simple Goals. You can create an arbitrary numbers of them. You can set a goal amount. You can schedule monthly contributions to a Vault. You can turn on AutoSave for a Vault which will allow you to automatically funnel a dollar amount or percentage of your direct deposits into a Vault. You can also turn on Roudup Transfer to select a vault to grow with your round ups. You can decide to automatically draw from Vaults when your spending balance runs out, or you can disable this and your card will be declined if all of your money is tied up in Vaults. You cannot have protected and unprotected vaults like you could in Simple. It is all or nothing.
The feature I liked from Simple that it's missing is the ability to only contribute X amount each day if you have disposable income, or money in Safe to Spend. Since there's no direct 1:1 comparison to Safe to Spend in SoFi, this is not possible. I liked the idea with Simple that when I have extra spending money, I'm also saving extra.

Expenses

There's no analogous functionality to this in SoFi though you can schedule regular bill pay.

Spending Categories

You can categorize your spending and review it at a glance in SoFi much like you can in Simple. There aren't as many fine-grained categories, but you can also create arbitrary custom tags to drill down with as much detail as you want. The part where SoFi really shines is you can track spending in more than one account, similar to Mint or YNAB. More on that later.

Joint Accounts

You can set up a joint account simply by inviting someone. It's as easy and powerful as Simple. SoFi does not currently support owning a joint and individual account, but the FAQ says it's on their roadmap as a feature.

Sharing

Just like Simple, SoFi supports instant transfers between members. It also supports sending money to anyone via their email address or SMS. No idea how this actually works or looks on the receiving end. It's poorly documented.

Checks

You can order paper checks, or, like Simple used to support, send a check from the app by using the Bill Pay interface. You can deposit checks through the mobile app at $25,000/day.

Cards

Just like Simple, you can lock your card or change your pin instantly through the app or website.
That's it for Simple features. The only big thing missing is the concept of Safe to Spend and expense automation.

Things Simple didn't do

The big one for me is the Relay feature. This is an all-in-one dashboard for your net worth. You can add any account or asset to your SoFi account to track its worth. If the account supports Plaid, you can also see transaction history. This lets you see and categorize your spending on just from your SoFi Money account, but any account you have connected. This lets you track or spending similar to Mint. You can add bank accounts, credit, investment accounts, loans, cars, real estate, or arbitrary assets and liabilities. Seen this all in one place and automated is very satisfying.
Investment accounts. This is what made me try SoFi in the first place. I just recently started taking investing seriously and actually paying attention to my 401k. In SoFi you can open an Active Investing account similar to Robinhood where you can buy whole or fractional shares in stocks and ETFs. You can open IRAs (including SEP for self-employed people or anyone with side-gig money). You can open joint investing accounts. You can open "Auto Investing" accounts that operate similar to ETFs where you set an aggressiveness goal and they manage your investing for you. This is a good replacement for a savings goal. Just create a conservative automated investing account and you can earn much better interest on your money while you save it up. You can also buy a handfull of common cryptocurrencies. This is all wrapped up in an attractive UI with guided wizards to help you choose the best options for your investment accounts based on your goals. They will also cover up to $75 in transfer fees to transfer investment accounts to SoFi.
They support personal loans, home loans, and student loans. There appear to be interest perks for members who set up autopay from their SoFi checking accounts.
They have an invite-only credit card program with various rewards that are tied into other features in SoFi.
Free access to financial and career advisors online along with a whole slew of other financial, life, and career resources. Their GetThatRaise tool will ask you about your salary, your seniority, your job title, what kind of success you've had, and will help you put together a proposal for a raise based on average salaries in your area for your position.
Local offers lets you browse businesses with promotional SoFi deals. If I go to Quiznos right now I get 10% cash back if I run my SoFi card as credit.
Your Vantage score is always available for free and tracked.
Referal bonuses can be had for getting people to open investment accounts or get loans.
There are a bunch of partner offers similar to being a AAA or Costco member.
They have a bunch of articles to help you learn as you go.

Things I dislike

A lot of features like the GetThatRaise tool are not really obviously exposed anywhere. I've found things by digging around FAQs and documentation where are not linked anywhere else on the site that I can find. They're not really doing a great job of pushing their features in front of the user.
No opening links in new tabs. This is a big quality of life annoyance. I can't click a stock and open it in a new page. If you get a few links deep looking at stocks you can't just go back to where you were. You have to start over and search again instead of going back to your previous results. This is incredibly annoying.
Feedback isn't always great. For example if you open an investment account, there's a pending approval period. This is not listed anywhere on the web site. The mobile app indicates a pending approval. But on the website the only way to know it's not approved is your initial deposit hasn't gone through yet. There are a lot of other little things that could be better documented or better communicated to the user.
Screenshots:
Dashboard
Vaults
Investment Dashboard
Relay Dashboard
Relay Account Listing
...continued
I'm very happy with SoFi so far. I'm still digging up features. Being able to invest through my bank app is awesome. I'm going to screw around with some fun WSB-style gambling with disposable income in active investing, and set up longer term and lower risk accounts for savings. The APY on the Money (checking) account is 0.25% but I don't really care as all I'm going to keep there is my spending money and my emergency fund in a vault. I plan to keep as much of my money as possible in some level of investment account and "high yield" checking/savings accounts have been a complete joke for some time.
If you're using one of the other common banks people are jumping to, feel free to post a breakdown like this to help others decide.

TL;DR: What the actual Fuck. (Maybe 5/6 grams Lemon Tekked)
I've made bad decisions in my life, countless in fact, you could say that I'm drawn to bad decision making like a moth to a flame, a really, very low IQ moth with borderline learning disability. I will preface this story with saying that this may have been my worst decision I have ever made.
I'm one of these people who goes on trustpilot and clicks '5 star reviews only' in order to re-establish my confidence in a product or company that I am excited to use, usually after purchasing and awaiting delivery, you could call it being optimistic, but a more accurate description would involve deserved play yard insults implying lower intelligence, so when I first saw a documentary on Youtube pop up in my recommendations discussing the amazing life altering effects of Magic mushrooms, I was instantly hooked and intrigued, needless to say I scoffed at the notion that a 'trip' could take a sharp downward trajectory to anyone, but more specifically a novice user, unaware of the potential that a mushroom that can be found down the street a my local dairy farm could have. After all, I have done every drug under the sun, minus a few of the life ruining heavy hitters available in the darker parts of my city, I'd partied hard in my life, but my assurance lay mainly with my vast experience with Marijuana, after all, if you have done high doses of marijuana, life begins to feel trippy, things begin to get a little 'psychadelic', how much different could a shrooms trip be? Famous last words.
Add to that the fact that I meditate daily for 20 minutes (and one day about a month ago, 23 minutes when my timer malfunctioned), my arrogance coming into this experience was insummountable and honestly looking back, kind of funny.
Magic mushrooms are not exactly easy to find where I live, and nowhere to be bought either so soon after my interest peaked following my happenstance online introduction to the wide world of psychadelics I was despondant that it seemed as though the door shut swiftly behind me and my life altering experience of rainbows and lollypops and endless sunshine that was to innevitably to come after ingestion would have to be put on the back burner for the foreseeable future. Then as I was perusing every thread available to me following the google search 'Magic mushrooms changed my life', 'shrooms are amazing' and really every conceivable variation of positive buzz words following the words magic mushrooms or shrooms, my google ad sense was tingling and low and behold the answer to all my prayers was revealed in the form of sponsored advertising, available direct from the groovy good time capital of the world, Amsterdam, in the form of Magic Truffles.
This site claimed that these Magic truffles delivered the exact same experience available through the use of their above ground cousins, but were legal to sell and ingest as opposed to their aforementioned relatives. One quick google search of 'Magic mushrooms are the same as Magic Truffles' and one vague bit of text below a possible clickable google link with no context which read exactly the same as what I had typed in the search box (funny that) and I was convinced and away to the races. Obviously in all my infinite wisdom and countless hours of research, which could be more accurately summed up as 'seeking positive reinforcement to the idea that I was already set to pursue' I was all ready for the world famous 'Heroes Journey'! Seeing as though I had to order and wait for delivery I thought it best that I start with the most potent strain available, 2 packs, 30 odd grams. Much to my delight the online shop had the option available to seperate reviews based on star ratings and after reading several 5 star reviews claiming an amazing experience and overlooking the constant advice that this level is not for a novice user (because I smoke MJ and meditate it doesn't apply to me! Right?! Right?!) I was ready to rock and/or roll.
While I was waiting for my delivery, which at this point in my head was just a box full of 'life change', I more or less imagined I would just crack it open and my existence as it was would be improved in every area, I would be like popeye throwing back spinach and hulking out, but instead my brain would realise its life purpose through the experience and then I would be put on the right path, which is honestly something I never had, a path, a purpose, something more than a menial human existence. Anyway I read about the best ways to have a trip, the best time, I even researched the best lunar times for a trip as I was convinced the moon would have an abject effect on my experience, ridiculous, but I wanted to do this right. I bought a coffee grinder and decided on a lemon tek for a stronger more enlightening experience, filled with even more rainbows and lollipops and elves braiding each others hair in the sunlight. I was ready to go, I even started to refer to myself as a psychonaut to my brother, who correctly insulted and laughed at me, perhaps just because it's just a ridiculous thing to verbalise to someone in the real world, and even though I said it as an offhanded joke in regards to my coming experience, part of me believed it to be true or at least that it would innevitably be the truth.
The day came, I hadn't eaten in the morning, I had slept (although perhaps like a kid on Christmas Eve excited to wake and open his presents), I meditated for a full hour and I had just returned from a short walk in the forest while listening to a Joe Rogan psychadelic compilation on youtube (skipping over any discussion of bad trips, because that doesn't apply to me, I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!!) and I was as ready as I was every going to be. My freshly ground Magic truffles lay in a glass immersed in lemon juice and in my eyes it appeared as if this concoction was some kind of magical wizardry in which all my questions (and prayers) could and would be answered, my living room was cleaned and I had but a pen and paper ready to scribble down what would be my life purpose, plan and all the answers to the universe that I could then spread to my disinterested famly and friends. Going into it I imagined as though I could sit and the shrooms would magically show a clear path and answer all the questions I wrote down, the big one circled and and underlined and 3 times the size of everything else written on the page, 'WHAT IS MY PURPOSE', you could call that my main trip intention.
I was a little nervous as I chugged down 30 grams of the most disgusting tasting thing I had ingested since my brother undercooked lasagne when mum was away for a conference when I was 13, and the consistncy wasn't winning any best in show awards either, but it was done, I was jyving to some Bob Marley, and the nerves settled, my life was about to change!
Around 15 minutes in, the TV I was streaming my music on started to become wavy and the colours appeared more vivid and vibrant, I turned to my cat and revealed while grinning 'It's starting', and she looked back and said 'You're damn right!' (Just kidding....or am I). I was now vibing hard at this point to the music and was ready to shut it off and jump on the answer train, all aboard, the time had come, I was ready to change. I closed my eyes and lay back.
In the early minutes of my trip I just let my brain wander about a bit and I would vary between thinking the colours behind my eyelids were super cool and deeply considering every showerthought I had perused the night before, thinking different variations of 'huh', 'cool', 'wow', 'Wait, did my cat just talk to me!? 'that's so true' 'I never thought of that' and generally feeling awesome and cool, I had given in to the experience (hahahaha) just like I read online and was advised , that wasn't so hard, probably because I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!! Play time was over now, I was ready to get down to business, 'What is your purpose?', I would repeat this in my head in an non forceful manner not sure at this point what to expect, my body was starting to shake a little bit now and I reached for the comfort of my coach blanket, still feeling good, still vibing, still on my heroes journey, just thought it to be part of the experience, but the shaking didn't stop.
In fact it got worse, maybe I was an hour in at this point and I was completely wrapped from head to neck in several blankets still shaking and starting to grow concerned. My positive vibes and hopes for the trip were out the window and halfway to the next town over at this point and my thoughts had turned darker, and filled with relentless anxiety, the first speed bump in my 'spiritual awakening' came in the form of body shakes and it sent me down the hole of which I would not return while the shrooms were working their magic around my body. 'You bought these online, what if they're poisoned!', 'you're a loser!' and maybe worst of all, 'YOU ARE GOING TO BE THIS WAY FOREVER!', round the merry go round the thoughts went, each time the same statement or feeling I had felt minutes earlier progressively escalated in the gut punch of raw emotion and pain that I felt, each reaffirmation of the feeling making me feel worse and worse.
Maybe I was 90 minutes in now, I was no longer wrapped cosily on the couch vibing to classic reggae, now I was in an inescapable fortress which felt roughly like how I had always imagined hell, except in place of lucifer and never ending physical torture, I was trapped in my own head sitting upright on the couch rocking back and forth staring at my hand as I clung to the notion that I was human, it was the only anchor I had left in this existense, I was never going to give into this experience, I now after the trip realise what posters meant by 'give in', but my brain was so unprepared and I was so unprepared to lose myself completely I did the worst thing I could, I fought...against 30 grams of the strongest strain of Truffles (Maybe 4/5 grams dried)...on a lemon tek, but you see...I meditate...everyday...for....uhhh whatever.
As I stared at my hand it felt like I was in the movie Get Out when the main character is trapped in his own body after step mother of the year hypnotises him with her words and mystical tea cup, but I could still move, I could still pace around the room literally apologising, asking whoever or whatever was listening to let me out. I would consider myself mainly an atheist so looking back and thinking about what I felt in those moments is now interesting, although I imagine many atheists turn to a higher power in their final moments, which as I believed in my heart, I was going to die.
I'll preface this next part by saying that I have a girlfriend who was working during this whole 'ordeal' or otherwise known as 'the incident' and I had carved out a solid 7 hour window in which I knew that I would be left alone to 'discover myself', at this point in the trip one of my main fears riding the merry go round was that my gf would suddenly appear in the doorway separating the kitchen and the living room where I was quickly losing all sense of self and just imagining the worst possible reactions that a human person can emote seeing what she would be exposed to and it was about the worst nightmare I could imagine at that point in time (Although time was a relative term at that point...in existence(?))
Things got worse as the minutes passed, you ever smoke to much, get so baked and then shower and you feel like you are literally in an angels embrace just beyond the pearly gates, another similar feeling of relief is when I stick my head under the tap in the bathroom and guzzle the months water supply of a small nation and literally feel that the feeling is comparable to that of ecstacy, yeah shrooms isn't at all like that is it? But it was my hail mary pass and at that point sitting on the couch praying to the mushroom gods and rocking back and forth staring at my hand like a character in the 3rd act of a 90's horror flick seemed to be pushing me further over the abyss. Walking to the bathroom was horrible, I still had that 'get out' passenger view through my eyes and my legs looked so very very far from my eyes, I decided to stick with a winning (?) formula and cried and prayed the gruelling 20 step walk while staring at my hand although at that point as far as reality anchors go, it was waivering and I was unsure of what I was at that point. I decide (whatever decide means at that point) to go straight to the cold shower and forego the 2nd option of potentially life affirming marathon water chug and as soon as the water hit my scalp I felt better. Haha nah just kidding, showering on shrooms is so alien I can't even describe what it felt like, especially running my hands through my wet hair, feels like aliens touching and carressing my scalp and not in anyway was it comforting, I was to far gone, Actually the cool water slowed my negative thoughts so that was something. I was back in the fetal position, but now I was naked in the shower with ET massaging my scalp as I lapped up cold water from the unwashed shower floor, afraid that if I shifted the water from my head in order to drink from the shower head the bad thoughts would instantly return and I just couldn't have that.
Who knows how deep I was now, how long it had been, what my name was, what I was, where I was or what the fuck was going on, I never gave in to the mushrooms, I kept fighting and fighting the whole way, I was a complete disaster, I hadn't only lost sight of why I was doing this, WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?', I didn't even know anything, nor did I remember ingestion, I was completely gone, my ego was gone, I was praying for what felt like forever, lying on the floor of my shower soaking wet, apologising to a non existent entity and begging to be let go. It was not over.
The shower helped in some ways but not in any real sense, I think I was still only going deeper and deeper into hell and the shower had been my hail mary, my brains sliver of sunshine, my 'AHA! moment' when I was fetal on the couch and it had failed me, I had no moves left, I was sitting up at this point and was shivering and needed to get warm, hot/warm water felt like torture as even slightly warm I was sure it would get hotter without notice and burn me which sent my anxiety through the roof. I finally mustered up the motivation to stand up and make moves, I think I was past the worst of it, I turn around, and my worst nightmare came to life, it came in the form of a person standing in front of me with a dumfounded and terrified look on their face.
Yes, you guessed it, my reflection! An absolute disaster and a true sight to behold, naked shivering and crying in all my wonderful glory. But that couldn't be me, I don't look that much like a primate?? Yes I was in the worst mental shape of my life at that second and I looked as bad as I physically could as a human, but I swear I could have been shipped to a cage in the local zoo, start snacking on whatever deluxe fruit was served that afternoon and noone would have been the wiser, it was terrifying dont look in the mirror! DON'T! I began touching my face and observing the incredible likeness I had to our primal ancestors and any illusions I had about what I actually looked like were shattered. But it did remind me of who I am a bit and that was a slight turning point. Side note, I felt that for a few days after the trip and struggled to look in the mirror without whincing a little bit, I dimmed the lights to the lowest possible setting and showered in the dark, but the feeling passed and I came to terms with the fact that as well as my illusions being shattered, the reality was, I was also out of my mind on shrooms and I was shivering and soaking wet from a freezing cold shower (I also forgot to moiturise that morning) #justshroomythings
Some more time passed and I did feel like I was slowly coming out of it, I still felt terrible, absolutely the worst I have ever felt, except for 5 minutes prior when I felt even worse (if that makes sense) than that and I took so much solace in that, slowly realising you're not going to die is a pretty amazing feeling, remembering who, where and what you are.
I returned to the safety of the pile of 45 blankets I had assembled in the corner of my living room couch and just as I was about to be met beneath them with what I imagine would have been incredible relief I realised that the window was ajar, I had opened it during the start of my meltdown/monster ego death in an attempt to get some fresh air and stay in control, had my inside cat gotten outside? Did a bird of prey take her to their nest to serve as food for their squaking evil offspring, whatever anxiety I had rangled into submission in whatever alotted time I penciled in for my alien shower flew off the handle again and I was back in it, running around the house stark naked screaming my cats name, praying that she was inside sleeping somewhere but she was nowhere to be found, the anxiety was unbearable, I was convinced she was gone and probably deceased, if not somehow decapitated. What would I say to my girlfriend? How could I be so stupid? At this moment I was at my open front door naked with the door which faces quite a busy road between cities screaming my cats name in 2 or 3 degree weather, and just before I completely destroyed my life and stepped outside in full view of whatever neighbour was walking their dog or peaking through the window after hearing a deranged soaking wet naked man that so closely resembled a chimp they wouldn't know whether to call the police or animal control to deal with this issue I hear a 'meow' behind me and I turn and yawning and pacing towards me looking slightly annoyed is my wonderful cat. I feel the most profound sense of relief that I have ever felt, it was truly otherwordly and once I was back inside with the door closed behind me I felt genuine euphoria for about10 minutes, I was crying and hugging my cat, who really wasn't having it but I didnt give her an option at that point.
I was back, side window was closed and I was under the pile of 82 blankets blaring Bob Marley again. The euphoria wore off, but I was out, I had been set free. I sat there with the music turned right down trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened. I said as such over and over and the more the euphoria faded the more active I became, I was pacing the room rubbing my hands over my damp head saying 'What the fuck' to myself genuinely unsure of what had just transpired. I hadn't learned the vast secrets of the universe or been amazed and immersed in the groovy wavy colours, I hadn't figured out my life purpose, or even made any leway in the journey towards it.
I was arrogant and reckless, I thought because I smoked alot of weed and meditated I was ahead of the pack and could take on any experience. I laughed at the idea of a trip sitter, I was so enamoured with the idea of a heroes journey that anything less would have been futile and in my mind pointless. I can say this, I have much more of an appreciation for life now, I thought in those hours that my time was up, that my journey had come to an end and in the early portion of my ego death I felt regret that I hadn't done more and been more. I have been humbled in my everyday life, and I feel as though I strive to be a better person. I now know how much I love my cat and my girlfriend, and am so grateful to have them. I quit sports gambling as a big theme of my trip was how I was a loser and I don't keep track of losses because if I did I would feel ashamed. I remember moments of the trip where I felt incredibly connected to everything, my biggest takeaway from this experience is that we all are connected deeply and that's an amazing thing to know I think.
Anyone reading this who wants to experiment with psychadelics, they are no joke. Just because you've done every other drug under the sun and think you can handle anything, you can't, these things will rip apart the most stable person IF you are reckless with them, if you aren't prepared. Truth is, even someone else had written this and if I read this post before my trip and read the warnings I still think I would have done it, because I was reckless and felt invincible and I know some of you reading this feel that way too (beginners I mean), just start slow you idiot.
I hope this story doesn't deter anyone interested in a psychadelic experience, honestly I thought I would right a summary of my trip and hit post but 5 hours later hear I am proof reading this for the 4th time, writing about it has been theraputic and I appreciate all you real psychonauts who took the time to read it (I tried to make it as entertaining as I could). I'm sure shrooms are amazing and transformative in the right environment and used by the right educated person at a proper beginner level dose, DON'T BE RECKLESS...DON'T BE ME!
The last thing I'll say is that I remember over and over apologising to the 'mushroom gods' or whatever entity I believed was there as I was falling to the depths of hell in my experience and I remember saying that if they let me out, if they let me free and if they allowed me to live I would never return, I would never use shrooms again, that I was unworthy and even though I could potentially take a much lower dose and be fine, I made a promise that afternoon and I intend to keep it, and I'm an atheist (?) so that's just how profound this experience was.

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Hello everyone! Man I wrote an absolute essay, I apologize in advance!! The one disclaimer: I of course didn’t mention COVID precautions much, but rest assured, I am CONSTANTLY masked and keeping an obscene distance from every other human around me. My paranoia is way too high to do any less. (Also, fyi, my pronouns are They/She, in that order)
TW: Mentions of Eating Disorder
Section One: Assets and Debt
Savings: $5,000
Checking account balance: $2,000
Credit card debt: $3064.88 (this is a charge-off from about 5 years ago. Because of this, I keep my “active” credit card balance at $0 at all times)
Student loan debt: $40,000 (BA in Film; down from ~50k!)
Section Two: Income
Income Progression:
· Retail through college, ranging from $8/hr-$13/hr, depending on where I was living
· VFX Coordinator (6months post-grad): $12/hr. Found out they were taking advantage of my lack of experience when I found out how much my direct coworkers were making.
· Raise ~5months later: $19/hr (to match what the rest of the department was getting)
· Raise (again) ~6months later: $50k salary (baby’s first salary!)
· Got laid off after 2 years with that company and freelanced for a while before going back to retail, ~$15/hr
· VFX Coordinator: $19/hr. After 9 months of unemployment / underemployment I was back in! But I was only brought on as a contractor / permalancer, and this job ended up sucking so bad.
· Video Game Coordinator: $50k. Left my previous job after a year of terrible conditions, and made an industry switch after getting majorly burnt out on the VFX production pipeline.
· Associate Producer (games):$75k - Current job! So happy to be where I am now. The switch to games has been the best thing I’ve done in my career.
Monthly Take Home: $4,219 ($2109 every other Friday)
Section Three: Expenses
Rent: ~$900/month for my half (it varies because utilities are “included” in the bill)
Retirement contribution: Literally just got the enrollment for this at my current job, so nothing yet.
Savings contribution: ~$500-1000/month
Student loan payments: Currently paused due to COVID, but I’m planning on dumping 100% of my savings into them right before interest kicks back in. I’m so so tired of having these hang over my head and want to be aggressive as possible. I AM tempted to wait and see if forgiveness does end up being part of Biden’s 100-day plan though. Please give me advice, smart money people!!
Donations: I budget ~$50/month to spend as I see fit.
Electric: Included-ish in rent
Wifi: My wonderful darling partner pays for our WiFi.
Cellphone: $90 send to my dad every month
Subscriptions:
· Sunday Scaries CBD: $39.38
· Curology: $61.70 (every other month)
· Meowbox (yes I have a subscription box for my cats): $22.95 (every other month)
· Apple cloud: $.99
· Nintendo Online: $3.99
· Netflix / Hulu / Disney+ / HBO / etcetc: We absolutely mooch off our families, bless
Gym membership: $19.99 (I use Street Parking, a CrossFit-style online training program. I paid $200/month prior to the pandemic for my box so I’m thrilled at these savings)
Pet expenses: ~$50/month (my partner and I switch off on the essentials like food + litter)
Car payment: $203.86 ($4000 remaining)
Car insurance: $171
Regular therapy: $120 ($60 per session, every other week)
Registered Dietician: $660/month ($165/week. I’m in recovery from a long-term eating disorder, and while this is a huge money dump, it’s honestly the most important piece of my mental health ~journey~)
Medications: $100/month (I’ve been using Cerebral for my psychiatry, but since my health insurance just kicked in, this is going to go way down. I basically needed an insurance stop-gap, since I have Bipolar and cannot go without medication)
CandidCo Aligners: $87.50
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes and no. I was definitely the main source of any pressure to go to college. There were a few members of my family who expected it, but had I not, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have been a thing, as long as I was working. I wish I had understood the financial implications way more, since I was totally on my own, and just kinda… expected to be able to pay it all off after I got out? Maybe I would have thought differently about my arts degree if I had that kind of financial literacy at 18.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
Very, very minimal. For a large part of my youth, we were quite poor, and I never really understood the full depth of what was going on. I absorbed a lot of the negative attitudes my parents had as a result of that (I absolutely hated the idea of credit cards etc). I didn’t really have an opportunity to learn the value of money, let alone any more thorough conversations.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I moved to a VHCOL city for college, and needed to work if I wanted to eat, so within about a month of moving I had two jobs. The first was at that ubiquitous bath bomb store, and the 2nd was a major department store chain. As a teen / kid I did odd jobs (helping on construction sites etc), but those definitely weren’t “jobs” as much as “things my parents bribed me to do”.
Did you worry about money growing up?
100% of the time. Like. Always. When the 2008 crash happened, we lost our house, and were homeless for awhile before moving into a hotel for several years. Eventually, we moved in with my grandparents, where we stayed until after I left for college. Even if I didn’t fully grasp what was happening or why, the whole experience definitely shaped me in some huge ways, especially with how I feel about financial security. I wasn’t able to have 99% of the experiences of my peers (I went to pretty wealthy demographic schools), which left me pretty jaded.
Do you worry about money now?
Still yes, but it’s different, for sure. Like, I’m making enough to live fairly comfortably, but I’m still incredibly frugal, mostly motivated by my debt. I would love to be able to own a home some day, but considering it’s going to take me 5-10 years to pay off my loans, I can’t wrap my head around how long it would take me to save for a down payment.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
Similarly hard to answer. I definitely didn’t have much support starting pretty young, but I wasn’t totally independent until after college. My parents still bailed me out a few times in college, which I understand put them in a very rough position. Probably a year after college was when I was all the way on my own, but I was building to there starting when I was like, 12. Thankfully now my parents are doing much, much better, and I know if anything catastrophic happened I could turn to them.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
Nope, and I likely never will. Much of my family has the “it’s my money I’m going to spend it on me before I go” mentality, which honestly, respect. Otherwise, no one in my family is really in a position to have a much of money to pass on once they’re gone.
Money Diary!
Monday:
7:30: Up a little late today, but it’s fine because I’m exhausted from the weekend and want to cuddle my cats. My partner N and I drove down to LA (where we actually / normally live) to finally get my car up here with us. Two ~6hr drives in 48hrs is rough on the body. (For some context: We left our apartment in LA over the summer to come up to a waaaay less densely populated area and live in a home of N’s family. I am endlessly thankful for this privilege. I’m pretty severely immunocompromised, so it’s nice to be able to go outside now without a panic attack.)
9:00: Monday mornings are always absolutely chaotic with meetings, but today is particularly bad. It’s the start of the last sprint up until we break for the holidays, so I feel particularly crunched to get things wrapped up. During one of our meetings, I remember that I have a $120 balance on my credit card and get that taken care of. ($120)
1:45: a 15-minute break in meetings to inhale some food! I microwave a can of Amy’s Vegetable and Barley soup and absolutely destroy it.
5:00: Last call of the day wraps up an hour over time, but I’m actually really happy about it. At the end it turned into the small team I work closest with just chatting for an hour about games that we like, game theory, and just.. having fun. I really love my team and considering I started this job in the pandemic, I’m so happy to feel as close and integrated with everyone as I do. I know the “my coworkers are like family” thing is potentially toxic and overplayed, but I genuinely feel that way! It also could totally be influenced by the fact that they’re the people that I interact with most (read: exclusively) other than my partner, and god, I miss human interaction.
5:30: Finally done-ish with work, and I desperately need to get away from a screen. I’m exhausted, but reeeaaally should work out. Fitness is super important for my mental wellbeing, and I took a long break and felt that, hard. I commit do doing something, which is a big part of the program / community I’m in.
7:00: Done and showered. N is finishing up our dinner of pasta and vegan meatballs. We watch Barry while we eat (N got me hooked and it’s soooo good guys), and eventually break out some ice cream (non-dairy Netflix & Chill from Ben&Jerry’s, one of my favs).
10:00: Head to bed and do all the boring stuff (skincare, brush teeth, blah blah blah). N and I cuddle watching It’s Always Sunny, and have some intimate time. I pass out around midnight, very much past my old lady bedtime.
Daily Total: $120
Tuesday:
7:00: Alarm, not happening
8:00: Whoops! Apparently I didn’t hit snooze. Up way too late, so I rush through getting ready. I really play with fire and drive out to the closest town to pick up doughnuts from a local vegan spot. ($10.00)
9:00: Rush in to hop on my first call of the morning from my phone. During the call I open my running Money Diary doc and it’s gone! Ugh. Thankfully I have a pretty good memory of how yesterday went, but sorry in advance if it feels… summary-y? Anyways, I eat a doughnut while half paying attention to a call I really should be paying at least 75% attention to.
10:30: I have a longer break between meetings and really need to get some head-down work done. It heavily involves playing a video game, woe is me. I grab another doughnut while I dive in.
1:30: Another can of soup for lunch – N is out getting groceries because our stock is abysmal. He’s getting stuff to get us through to the holidays, as were bunkering down starting Sunday. This run is highly motivated by the list I gave him for Hanukkah feast prep!
5:00: I’ve been staring at a screen for far too long and call it a day. N was out taking photos and told me it’s amazing out, so I throw on my airpods, blast my incredibly embarrassing playlist, and head out. I walk along the shore and I’m blown away – the waves have never been this high, there’s practically no beach! I usually walk / run in the morning, so it’s a rare treat to watch the sun go down over the ocean. Plus, it’s a great opportunity to see all the fancy houses’ Christmas lights! About halfway through my walk it’s 100% dark, and since there are no streetlights or sidewalks here, it’s a little dodgy.
6:00 When I get home N is making dinner – roast chickpeas and veg with field roast sausages. He also asks me to venmo him for groceries without giving me a number, a thing that happens regularly. We’ll see how long it takes for that charge to come through.
9:30: I have no idea what I’ve been doing for the last few hours, but I’ve definitely mostly been scrolling through my phone. Ugh. I’m feeling super drained so I decide to start getting ready for bed while N continues to play video games. I fall asleep around 11, after more messing around on my phone.
Daily Total: $10.00
Wednesday:
8:00: Boy I’ve really been oversleeping this week. I probably need it, but it’s still frustrating. Go through the AM motions, cuddle with the cats, and head downstairs to log into work. I grab the last half a doughnut and buckle in for another busy day – although it looks like it’s starting to lighten up.
1:00: I’m starving and take a quick lunch break – I wrap yesterday’s leftovers in a tortilla with some hummus and call it a day. I also spend some time staring at my credit score. I decide to finally take care of the charge-off on my account and opt to settle it for 50% (I argued for a pay-for-delete and it was a no-go). I know this might hurt my credit at first, but I really hope in the long run this does more good than bad. I curse my poor life decisions made as a college student, even though I ran up this credit card to survive. ($1,532.44, from savings)
2:30: Time for my annual review, which is always terrifying. This goes surprisingly well – almost nothing but positive feedback and some very light constructive criticism, all for things that I’ve been working on. I also find out I’m getting a slight raise and a bonus! I’ve never gotten a bonus before!! This really helps balance out my buyers remorse over paying off my charge-off earlier. I text my dad and let him know, and while he’s quite proud and happy for me, he also reminds me about my phone bill. D’oh. I send that to him right away. ($90, listed in monthly payments)
5:30: I’ve done basically nothing since my review, other than reply to a few emails that came in and looked at apartments back in LA I can’t afford. I move to the couch and start the dinner convo – N says he’ll start on a tofu & veg stir fry in a bit. I’m way too drained to think about working out, even though today’s workout looks fun.
7:00: Therapy! My bi-weekly therapy has started to become… less than useful, but I really like my therapist as a person. It’s become a bit of a weird dynamic since I started taking medication again, and I know I should shift to using my health insurance to find a better fit, but I’ve been seeing her for a year and honestly don’t know how to leave a therapist?? It’s fine. I still enjoy my sessions with her, even if its not the groundbreaking therapy I’ve had in the past. ($60, listed in monthly payments)
8:00: We watch Black Christmas (the remake from last year) and it’s… really bad. But we’re both scrolling through twitter during, so whatever. Afterwards I accept that I’m falling asleep on the couch and head to bed. Why am I so tired this week?? This comes and goes and it’s always a bit concerning, but there’s not much I can do about it. I’m out hard by 11.
Daily Total: $1,532.44
Thursday:
7:30: I wake up closer to on-time, but definitely don’t get up. One of the cats is at the end of the bed sleeping on his back, which is way too cute for me to get up and disturb, so I snuggle up with him for another 30 minutes. Eventually I hop out of bed, remembering that it’s the first day of Hanukkah! I throw on my new ugly Hanukkah sweater (it’s got cats and says “Meow-zel Tov”, of course) and check into work. Today is soooo much lighter, and I’m thrilled about it since I’ll be cooking this afternoon.
12:30: Break for lunch – I take the lazy way and make some instant ramen. Love that one of the cheap ones are vegan, it’s a great easy staple to have on hand!
1:30: Weekly appointment with my RD. I’ve made an incredible amount of progress with my eating disorder since I started seeing her about 8 months ago. My life w/t food is night and day from before. I definitely still struggle with body image / body neutrality, and I’ve put on a noticeable (but unknown – I left my scale behind) amount of weight and it’s a challenge when my clothes fit differently than before. But I’m working on it! I genuinely think I’m going to “graduate” out of this program soon, I’m hoping by March (partially motivated by the cost, tbh). ($165, listed in monthly costs).
2:00: After my appointment I run out to the grocery store to grab a few things N missed – namely Gelt and bread. I’m going to teach him how to gamble (aka the Dreidel game) tonight and we need the awful chocolate coins to complete the experience. Thankfully I find some pareve coins, so I don’t have to worry about there being dairy. There are a few other odds and ends we need too, since we’re starting our full-lockdown this weekend, and I go a little crazy (ice creams, treats, cereal, etc etc). ($46.24)
4:00: I start my cooking prep while watching The Game Awards with my coworkers (virtually, of course). This event is way less about the actual awards and way more about fun trailer drops. There are a few that I’m pretty into, based on what I see.
7:00: Finally done cooking! I made latkes (with applesauce, always applesauce) and a savory spinach kugel. Hilariously, I hate frying food, so this is a good holiday for me, ha. Everything came out super good, and I’m so pleased since I am NOT the cook of the house. Pretty much as soon as we finish eating I fry up the sufganiyot (jelly doughnuts) I had prepped and get those done for a dessert. Doughnuts are hard, and these weren’t perfect by any means, but they tasted good! We throw on Seinfeld in the backround, our go-to comfort show (and honestly, appropriate).
9:00: I’m exhausted, what’s new. N so kindly starts cleaning up the kitchen for me and packaging leftovers, bless. We both head to bed and I pass out at 11, according to my Fitbit.
Daily Total: $46.24
Thursday:
7:00: Actually wake up on-time today, but stay in bed for about 45 minutes cuddling the cat and scrolling socials. Force myself out of bed so that I have enough time to go for a walk and listen to the new Taylor Swift album (first take: not as good as Folklore, but “no body, no crime” is a bop).
10:00: Finish up my first meeting and make some breakfast – Cheerios & banana.
12:00: Run to the post office to pick up some boxes. I have to send a return and mail a gift out before they close today! When I’m home, I heat up some leftover kugel and have that with more applesauce.
3:00: Last meeting done, back to the post office to actually ship. I did not think this through. To send two packages it costs $30.10 because I accidentally grabbed flat-rate packages because I’m a millennial who doesn’t know how mail works . Back home to finish up my odds and ends for the day, before I remember I have to level up my DnD character before our session tonight! ($30.10)
9:30: DnD goes great! It’s honestly the main non-work interaction I have, and it’s with a group of dudes (and N) that I hadn’t had much contact with since college and really love. We’re definitely more of a “lets goof off and do dumb stuff” kinda team, which is my favorite. We also all talk about Cyberpunk 2077, which everyone outside of our household has been playing. I have some very strong (not-great) opinions about it, but I’m glad they’re all really enjoying it. We might pick it up eventually but definitely not until I get my next-gen console, which I’m putting off until January when all the insanity dies down (and some bugs get ironed out).
11:00: We finish up Barry (it’s really so good) and head to bed. We catch High Fidelity (the movie, not the show) on TV, and both remember how much we love it. I pass out pretty shortly after that ends.
Daily Total: $30.10
Saturday:
9:00: Technically awake… but N and I stay in bed until 11 cuddling each other and the cats, and scrolling through Twitter. I really, really gotta break that habit of socials-first-thing. Once I finally get up, I take my time through my skincare and realize it’s time to shave my face (hairy Eastern-European genes whaddup). I should do my brows too, but I pluck about 2 hairs before deciding my will is not strong enough.
12:00: It rained last night, so I get myself ready to head out for a long walk. It’s so wonderful and smells so good out. I just love being somewhere with nature all around, which is so foreign as someone who has always been a “city person” first and foremost. It’s one of the major revelations the pandemic has given me. I stop at my favorite coffee shop on my way and get my tried-and-true peppermint mocha with soy (7.50). The big downside to this town – it’s like a Covid bizzarro world. Outdoor dining is still a thing (which we absolutely do not take advantage of), and there’s a damn nail salon open. During the week, pretty much everyone wears a mask when they’re around others. On the weekends, it seems like a bunch of people come in from out of town, and they’re all the worst version of entitled. Mask usage goes way down and people are pretty insufferable about it. I do my best to keep extreme distance and be as passive aggressive about it as possible. When I get back, I’m thoroughly damp and start rage cleaning the house. ($7.50)
3:00: Got sufficiently through cleaning the house for the day, and realize I have yet to eat any real food. Whoops. My RD is going to want to talk about this, even though I genuinely haven’t been hungry. I have a bowl of Cheerios with a banana, and add some snacky things to bulk it up a bit. Time to relax a bit with garbage tv (HGTV is my heroin).
5:30: One of my cats starts acting weird (hissing and yowling at nothing) and I have an absolute breakdown and demand we rush to the vet. I am wailing the entire way, and pace in the parking lot until we find out that he’s absolutely fine, and just had worms. What a drama king!!! N pays for the vet because I’m in no state to communicate with anyone. When we get home I follow him around and give him as much love as he’ll allow (which is a lot, tbh). When I’m more relaxed N pours us some wine and we watch “Underwater”, the movie that’s basically “Aliens” but… underwater. It’s alright – the production design and creature design are absolutely incredible though!
11:00: After I head to bed I hear my cat hissing and yowling again. We jump on it and start paying close attention to him. After watching him for a bit, we come to the conclusion that he must be constipated, poor thing. I give him some pumpkin puree until I can go get him some more wet food in the morning. My anxiety is definitely way high tonight over all of this.
Daily Total: $7.50
Sunday:
9:30: It’s raining out, so we have a bit of a lazy morning in bed, while keeping an eye on the cats. He manages to go to the bathroom a little without screaming after, so I think that’s progress! After a bit I run out to the pet store and get an obscene amount of their favorite wet food, so we don’t run out again (at least for a while). While I’m there I grab a few holiday-themed cat toys, which my spoiled children absolutely don’t need, but always deserve. ($34.88)
1:00: Since it’s raining there’s no way I’m going on the run I had hoped to. Guess that means a lazy Sunday! We light the fireplace, throw on the TV, and I make a Chik’n salad wrap. I put off eating too long two days in a row, ughhhh.
5:00: Welp, very little has happened today. I get up to finally get the rest of the laundry done, and pick up the cat toys for N to vacuum. I start prepping my work / life week until dinner, while we have The Iron Giant on in the background. The stopped-up kitty seems to be totally fine now, but we’ll be keeping an eye on him over the next few days to monitor his water consumption and bathroom habits.
8:00: I do a 30-minute yoga flow (Yoga with Adriene forever!) before taking a shower and doing my long CGM shower routine. Full-on wash day takes forever, and I probably should have done this way earlier in the day.
10:00: Finally wrapping up the ~ process ~. Thoroughly feeling the Sunday night blues, so I pop a few CBD gummies, make sleepytime tea, and finish my pm routine before calling it a night.
Total for week: $1,781.16
Grocery + Dining Out: $63.74
Fun + Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $0
Clothes + Beauty: $0
Transportation: $0
Debt: $1,652.44
Other: $64.98
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
Man I’m boring, huh. This was a fairly normal-spend week for me in quarantine, other than the debt payment obviously. The main fluctuation I experience is in groceries, depending on which of us does the main run / N actually sending through a Venmo request, ha. This was also a very low-energy week for me, I usually work out 4-6 days/week, which I’m trying to be gentler on myself about missing. I feel like I’m doing pretty good, I’m definitely quite frugal with hopes of building up my savings / paying off my loans. I feel like I’m quite uneducated about my finances, and would seriously love to hear thoughts & advice from this group of money-savvy folx!

Bovada Sportsbook:

Bovada is an online sportsbook and casino established in 2011. The platform offers betting on most major US sports leagues and horse racing. It has slots, table games, blackjack, and a variety of other casino games. Plus, Bovada offers live online poker tournaments with players from around the world.
What you will need to do is sign up through my referral link. Make a deposit, and pm me with the deposit amount, and bet through your deposit one time and I'll receive 200% of your deposit up to $100. (You can easily hedge your $100 bet on another Sportsbook to churn through your 1× bet through. Feel free to ask me questions if you have any.) I will receive 200% of your deposit up to $100. Example, if you deposit $50, I'll receive $100 and send you $25 back. Minimum deposit is $20 and max payout from me is $25. Note that you can't withdraw your funds right away or I will lose my referral bonus. After 24 hours, to ensure you don't just withdraw and I lose my bonus, I'll send the money. STEPS: *Comment $bid
*I'll send you link to my referral to sign up or you can use the link below.
*Sign up and deposit $20 or more to receive your payment back from me.

• I'll send out payment via Cashapp, Venmo, PayPal or Chime.

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SportsBetting is a one-stop-shop for nearly every popular type of gambling – legal sports betting, casino gaming, horse racing betting, and poker. Headquartered in Panama, the site initially launched in 1999 but was acquired by BetOnline in 2012. Since the acquisition, SportsBetting has become one of the top legal betting sites for players from the United States. It is one of the few legal betting sites that remained in the US market after Congress passed the Unlawful Internet Gambling Act (UIGEA) of 2006. The federal law has no impact on the legality of online sports betting, but is essentially a banking restriction on unregulated payment processors. SportsBetting is well aware of this law and they have created ways to make sure that bettors can still safely and efficiently receive their winnings. SportsBetting has remained committed to U.S. players and is today one of the best betting sites that accept residents of all 50 states.
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STEPS:
*Comment $bid
*I'll send you link to my referral to sign up or you can use the link below.
*Sign up and deposit $25 or more and bet through your deposit once to receive your payment back from me.

• I'll send out payment via Cashapp, Venmo, PayPal or Chime.

I have been playing at SportsBetting. Join today and get a 75% bonus to bet on sports... https://sportsbetting.ag/?RAF=AD4XWFF3&product=SPO
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Bovada is an online sportsbook and casino established in 2011. The platform offers betting on most major US sports leagues and horse racing. It has slots, table games, blackjack, and a variety of other casino games. Plus, Bovada offers live online poker tournaments with players from around the world.
What you will need to do is sign up through my referral link. Make a deposit, and pm me with the deposit amount, and bet through your deposit one time and I'll receive 200% of your deposit up to $100. (You can easily hedge your $100 bet on another Sportsbook to churn through your 1× bet through. Feel free to ask me questions if you have any.) I will receive 200% of your deposit up to $100. Example, if you deposit $50, I'll receive $100 and send you $25 back. Minimum deposit is $20 and max payout from me is $25. Note that you can't withdraw your funds right away or I will lose my referral bonus. After 24 hours, to ensure you don't just withdraw and I lose my bonus, I'll send the money. STEPS: *Comment $bid
*I'll send you link to my referral to sign up or you can use the link below.
*Sign up and deposit $20 or more to receive your payment back from me.

• I'll send out payment via Cashapp, Venmo, PayPal or Chime.

Link:# #https://www.bovada.lv/welcome/P455B02E/join?extcmpid=rafcopy

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Sportbetting.ag Sportsbook:

SportsBetting is a one-stop-shop for nearly every popular type of gambling – legal sports betting, casino gaming, horse racing betting, and poker. Headquartered in Panama, the site initially launched in 1999 but was acquired by BetOnline in 2012. Since the acquisition, SportsBetting has become one of the top legal betting sites for players from the United States. It is one of the few legal betting sites that remained in the US market after Congress passed the Unlawful Internet Gambling Act (UIGEA) of 2006. The federal law has no impact on the legality of online sports betting, but is essentially a banking restriction on unregulated payment processors. SportsBetting is well aware of this law and they have created ways to make sure that bettors can still safely and efficiently receive their winnings. SportsBetting has remained committed to U.S. players and is today one of the best betting sites that accept residents of all 50 states.
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STEPS:
*Comment $bid
*I'll send you link to my referral to sign up or you can use the link below.
*Sign up and deposit $25 or more and bet through your deposit once to receive your payment back from me.

• I'll send out payment via Cashapp, Venmo, PayPal or Chime.

I have been playing at SportsBetting. Join today and get a 75% bonus to bet on sports... https://sportsbetting.ag/?RAF=AD4XWFF3&product=SPO
I also have other offers on my profile posted for other Sportsbook that can guarantee yourself a few hundred dollars if you sign up before Super bowl. Please feel free to contact me regarding those offers.

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What you will need to do is sign up through my referral link. Make a deposit, and pm me with the deposit amount, and bet through your deposit one time and I'll receive 200% of your deposit up to $100. (You can easily hedge your $100 bet on another Sportsbook to churn through your 1× bet through. Feel free to ask me questions if you have any.) I will receive 200% of your deposit up to $100. Example, if you deposit $50, I'll receive $100 and send you $25 back. Minimum deposit is $20 and max payout from me is $25. Note that you can't withdraw your funds right away or I will lose my referral bonus. After 24 hours, to ensure you don't just withdraw and I lose my bonus, I'll send the money. STEPS: *Comment $bid
*I'll send you link to my referral to sign up or you can use the link below.
*Sign up and deposit $20 or more to receive your payment back from me.

• I'll send out payment via Cashapp, Venmo, PayPal or Chime.

Link:# #https://www.bovada.lv/welcome/P455B02E/join?extcmpid=rafcopy

https://www.bovada.lv/terms-of-service
SportsBetting is a one-stop-shop for nearly every popular type of gambling – legal sports betting, casino gaming, horse racing betting, and poker. Headquartered in Panama, the site initially launched in 1999 but was acquired by BetOnline in 2012. Since the acquisition, SportsBetting has become one of the top legal betting sites for players from the United States. It is one of the few legal betting sites that remained in the US market after Congress passed the Unlawful Internet Gambling Act (UIGEA) of 2006. The federal law has no impact on the legality of online sports betting, but is essentially a banking restriction on unregulated payment processors. SportsBetting is well aware of this law and they have created ways to make sure that bettors can still safely and efficiently receive their winnings. SportsBetting has remained committed to U.S. players and is today one of the best betting sites that accept residents of all 50 states.
SportsBetting offers the complete package for every type of player in the US, and you will find that the site truly outshines the competition in certain areas. Huge bonuses and promotions, the latest betting odds, quick registration, and reliable banking are just some of the strong points of this particular betting site. The overall variety, whether it be the selection of sports or the catalog of casino games, is quite impressive at the online gambling site. In our legal SportsBetting review for US players, we will go into detail on these topics and more.
What you will need to do is sign up through my referral link. Make a deposit, and pm me with the deposit amount. Bet through your deposit one time and I'll receive 200% of your deposit up to $200. (You can easily hedge your $100 bet on another Sportsbook to churn through your 1× bet through. Feel free to ask me questions if you have any.) Example, if you deposit $100, I'll receive $200 and send you $50 back. Minimum deposit is $25 and max payout from me is $50. Note that you can't withdraw your funds right away or I will lose my referral bonus. After 24 hours, to ensure you don't just withdraw and I lose my bonus, I'll send the money.
STEPS:
*Comment $bid
*I'll send you link to my referral to sign up or you can use the link below.
*Sign up and deposit $25 or more and bet through your deposit once to receive your payment back from me.

• I'll send out payment via Cashapp, Venmo, PayPal or Chime.

I have been playing at SportsBetting. Join today and get a 75% bonus to bet on sports... https://sportsbetting.ag/?RAF=AD4XWFF3&product=SPO

Simpson Chubby 2 vs Simpson Trafalgar T3 vs Omega Evo
Except for travel, I am not much of a synthetic brush user. I prefer badger. I have owned a few Simpson CH2 synthetics and currently own just the one in this review. Based on positive reviews for both the Omega Evo and the Simpson Trafalgar, I picked up one of each to test against my CH2. I used the trio for several shaves in the past week and a half, one brush per pass. I will post some impressions of each, followed by how I rank some of their individual attributes.
--------------------
Brushes: Simpson Chubby 2 synthetic, Simpson Trafalgar 3 and Omega Evo
Razor: Gillette Super Adjustable
Blade: Wizamet
Lather: Grooming Dept Kölnisch
Post Shave: Crabtree & Evelyn West Indian Lime balm
Disclosure: I purchased all of the products listed above
Notes: Each pass was face lathered. I am not a bush masher, so I don’t splay my brushes much. However, I splayed each for review purposes.
--------------------
Simpson CH2 Synthetic
This is a bit of a messy summary, due to the amount of variation found from CH2 to CH2. I have owed four CH2 synthetic brushes over the past few years. I really like my current one. I had mixed-to-positive feelings about two. I absolutely hated the fourth brush. I have realized that, the higher the loft and/or the more fan like shape of the knot, the more I enjoy the brush. The CH2 I hated was a low lofted bulb, pretty much equivalent to the specs they give on their site (50mm loft). Of the two in the middle, one was a bulb with a 52.5mm loft and one had a 51mm loft and a hybrid shaped knot. The CH2 reviewed here has a distinctly fan shaped knot and a loft of 52 mm. Unlike the T3 and the Evo, if I stick my finger down into the CH2’s knot, I can’t feel any glue plug at all.
As a face latherer, I like the CH2 fan knot more than the bulb or hybrid. Made with Simpson’s Platinum Fibre, this is a very dense, soft knot and it performs best with painting strokes. Of the three brushes here, it has the most backbone. I think it would benefit from a slightly higher loft, though it’s a lot better than the other CH2s I have owned.
I can’t stand the CH2 handle. It’s too short and not ergonomic enough. I’ve heard this complaint often and I have no idea why Simpson doesn’t offer this knot in a different handle shape. I bet the CH2 knot in a taller, more ergonomic handle would sell like hotcakes.
Simpson Trafalgar 3
The Trafalgar is Simpson’s budget-friendly synthetic option. The knot, which is bulb shaped, is made with Simpson’s Sovereign Fibre. These fibers are not as soft as the Platinum Fibre in the CH2 synthetic. Of the three brushes, this one was the least comfortable for face lathering. The fibers felt sort of coarse compared to the fibers of the other two brushes. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but I preferred face lathering with the CH2 and the Evo. I liked the Trafalgar handle a lot more than the CH2 handle. I wish Simpson sold a Trafalgar made with the Platinum Fibre. That would be the best of both worlds.
Omega Evo
To me, Omega’s Silversynth fiber is virtually identical to Simpson’s Platinum Fibre. There is a very slight color difference, but I think they are the same fiber. The Evo has a hybrid shaped knot which is less dense than the Simpson CH2 as well as higher lofted. This brush had the least amount of backbone of the three, but released lather the best. Also, the handle on this Evo was my favorite of the three brushes. It is very comfortable. I was very impressed with the Omega Evo and I would definitely recommend it.
Specs
Measurements are not the ones listed online, but the actual measurements of each of my three brushes.
Simpson CH2
Total height: 97mm
Handle height: 45mm
Knot: 27mm x 52mm
Approx price: $89 for ivory, more for other colors
--------------------
Simpson Trafalgar 3
Total height: 102mm
Handle height: 50mm
Knot: 26mm x 52mm
Approx price: $28
--------------------
Omega Evo
Total height: 105mm
Handle height: 53mm
Knot: 28mm x 52mm
Approx price: $60
--------------------
Rankings (from top to bottom)
Handle comfort: Evo - T3 - CH2
Handle aesthetics: CH2 - Evo - T3
Density: CH2 - T3 - Evo
Backbone: CH2 - T3 - Evo
Lather release: Evo - CH2/T3 (tie)
Fiber softness: CH2/Evo (tie) - T3
Overall quality of manufacture: CH2 - Evo - T3
Value: T3 - Evo - CH2
Final Impressions
The T3 is not a bad brush at all, but I liked the knots on the other two much more. The T3 felt a little bit rougher on my face than ether the CH2 or Evo. You can’t argue with the price of the T3, however. It’s about half as expensive as the Evo and 1/3 the price of the CH2. I considered making the T3 my travel brush, but I already own the other two, so I'll probably use one of them instead.
If I had to pick a favorite, I would have a hard time choosing between the Evo and the CH2. I slightly prefer my CH2’s knot, though I definitely prefer the Evo’s handle. If I had put any of my old CH2s up against this Evo, I think the Evo would be the clear winner. As such, I would be leery about buying another CH2 unless its knot matched the knot I currently own. In the end, I think it’s a tossup between this particualr CH2 and the Evo. If I had to recommend one of these brushes to someone buying it from a retailer, I would recommend the Omega Evo. While there are some killer CH2 synthetic brushes out there, buying one sight unseen is a bit of a gamble. In my opinion, the Evo is both a safer bet and a better value.

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I was told at another shroom subreddit that perhaps my trip report will be enjoyed by some here.
TL;DR: What the actual Fuck. (Maybe 5/6 grams Lemon Tekked)
I've made bad decisions in my life, countless in fact, you could say that I'm drawn to bad decision making like a moth to a flame, a really, very low IQ moth with borderline learning disability. I will preface this story with saying that this may have been my worst decision I have ever made.
I'm one of these people who goes on trustpilot and clicks '5 star reviews only' in order to re-establish my confidence in a product or company that I am excited to use, usually after purchasing and awaiting delivery, you could call it being optimistic, but a more accurate description would involve deserved play yard insults implying lower intelligence, so when I first saw a documentary on Youtube pop up in my recommendations discussing the amazing life altering effects of Magic mushrooms, I was instantly hooked and intrigued, needless to say I scoffed at the notion that a 'trip' could take a sharp downward trajectory to anyone, but more specifically a novice user, unaware of the potential that a mushroom that can be found down the street a my local dairy farm could have. After all, I have done every drug under the sun, minus a few of the life ruining heavy hitters available in the darker parts of my city, I'd partied hard in my life, but my assurance lay mainly with my vast experience with Marijuana, after all, if you have done high doses of marijuana, life begins to feel trippy, things begin to get a little 'psychadelic', how much different could a shrooms trip be? Famous last words.
Add to that the fact that I meditate daily for 20 minutes (and one day about a month ago, 23 minutes when my timer malfunctioned), my arrogance coming into this experience was insummountable and honestly looking back, kind of funny.
Magic mushrooms are not exactly easy to find where I live, and nowhere to be bought either so soon after my interest peaked following my happenstance online introduction to the wide world of psychadelics I was despondant that it seemed as though the door shut swiftly behind me and my life altering experience of rainbows and lollypops and endless sunshine that was to innevitably to come after ingestion would have to be put on the back burner for the foreseeable future. Then as I was perusing every thread available to me following the google search 'Magic mushrooms changed my life', 'shrooms are amazing' and really every conceivable variation of positive buzz words following the words magic mushrooms or shrooms, my google ad sense was tingling and low and behold the answer to all my prayers was revealed in the form of sponsored advertising, available direct from the groovy good time capital of the world, Amsterdam, in the form of Magic Truffles.
This site claimed that these Magic truffles delivered the exact same experience available through the use of their above ground cousins, but were legal to sell and ingest as opposed to their aforementioned relatives. One quick google search of 'Magic mushrooms are the same as Magic Truffles' and one vague bit of text below a possible clickable google link with no context which read exactly the same as what I had typed in the search box (funny that) and I was convinced and away to the races. Obviously in all my infinite wisdom and countless hours of research, which could be more accurately summed up as 'seeking positive reinforcement to the idea that I was already set to pursue' I was all ready for the world famous 'Heroes Journey'! Seeing as though I had to order and wait for delivery I thought it best that I start with the most potent strain available, 2 packs, 30 odd grams. Much to my delight the online shop had the option available to seperate reviews based on star ratings and after reading several 5 star reviews claiming an amazing experience and overlooking the constant advice that this level is not for a novice user (because I smoke MJ and meditate it doesn't apply to me! Right?! Right?!) I was ready to rock and/or roll.
While I was waiting for my delivery, which at this point in my head was just a box full of 'life change', I more or less imagined I would just crack it open and my existence as it was would be improved in every area, I would be like popeye throwing back spinach and hulking out, but instead my brain would realise its life purpose through the experience and then I would be put on the right path, which is honestly something I never had, a path, a purpose, something more than a menial human existence. Anyway I read about the best ways to have a trip, the best time, I even researched the best lunar times for a trip as I was convinced the moon would have an abject effect on my experience, ridiculous, but I wanted to do this right. I bought a coffee grinder and decided on a lemon tek for a stronger more enlightening experience, filled with even more rainbows and lollipops and elves braiding each others hair in the sunlight. I was ready to go, I even started to refer to myself as a psychonaut to my brother, who correctly insulted and laughed at me, perhaps just because it's just a ridiculous thing to verbalise to someone in the real world, and even though I said it as an offhanded joke in regards to my coming experience, part of me believed it to be true or at least that it would innevitably be the truth.
The day came, I hadn't eaten in the morning, I had slept (although perhaps like a kid on Christmas Eve excited to wake and open his presents), I meditated for a full hour and I had just returned from a short walk in the forest while listening to a Joe Rogan psychadelic compilation on youtube (skipping over any discussion of bad trips, because that doesn't apply to me, I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!!) and I was as ready as I was every going to be. My freshly ground Magic truffles lay in a glass immersed in lemon juice and in my eyes it appeared as if this concoction was some kind of magical wizardry in which all my questions (and prayers) could and would be answered, my living room was cleaned and I had but a pen and paper ready to scribble down what would be my life purpose, plan and all the answers to the universe that I could then spread to my disinterested famly and friends. Going into it I imagined as though I could sit and the shrooms would magically show a clear path and answer all the questions I wrote down, the big one circled and and underlined and 3 times the size of everything else written on the page, 'WHAT IS MY PURPOSE', you could call that my main trip intention.
I was a little nervous as I chugged down 30 grams of the most disgusting tasting thing I had ingested since my brother undercooked lasagne when mum was away for a conference when I was 13, and the consistncy wasn't winning any best in show awards either, but it was done, I was jyving to some Bob Marley, and the nerves settled, my life was about to change!
Around 15 minutes in, the TV I was streaming my music on started to become wavy and the colours appeared more vivid and vibrant, I turned to my cat and revealed while grinning 'It's starting', and she looked back and said 'You're damn right!' (Just kidding....or am I). I was now vibing hard at this point to the music and was ready to shut it off and jump on the answer train, all aboard, the time had come, I was ready to change. I closed my eyes and lay back.
In the early minutes of my trip I just let my brain wander about a bit and I would vary between thinking the colours behind my eyelids were super cool and deeply considering every showerthought I had perused the night before, thinking different variations of 'huh', 'cool', 'wow', 'Wait, did my cat just talk to me!? 'that's so true' 'I never thought of that' and generally feeling awesome and cool, I had given in to the experience (hahahaha) just like I read online and was advised , that wasn't so hard, probably because I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!! Play time was over now, I was ready to get down to business, 'What is your purpose?', I would repeat this in my head in an non forceful manner not sure at this point what to expect, my body was starting to shake a little bit now and I reached for the comfort of my coach blanket, still feeling good, still vibing, still on my heroes journey, just thought it to be part of the experience, but the shaking didn't stop.
In fact it got worse, maybe I was an hour in at this point and I was completely wrapped from head to neck in several blankets still shaking and starting to grow concerned. My positive vibes and hopes for the trip were out the window and halfway to the next town over at this point and my thoughts had turned darker, and filled with relentless anxiety, the first speed bump in my 'spiritual awakening' came in the form of body shakes and it sent me down the hole of which I would not return while the shrooms were working their magic around my body. 'You bought these online, what if they're poisoned!', 'you're a loser!' and maybe worst of all, 'YOU ARE GOING TO BE THIS WAY FOREVER!', round the merry go round the thoughts went, each time the same statement or feeling I had felt minutes earlier progressively escalated in the gut punch of raw emotion and pain that I felt, each reaffirmation of the feeling making me feel worse and worse.
Maybe I was 90 minutes in now, I was no longer wrapped cosily on the couch vibing to classic reggae, now I was in an inescapable fortress which felt roughly like how I had always imagined hell, except in place of lucifer and never ending physical torture, I was trapped in my own head sitting upright on the couch rocking back and forth staring at my hand as I clung to the notion that I was human, it was the only anchor I had left in this existense, I was never going to give into this experience, I now after the trip realise what posters meant by 'give in', but my brain was so unprepared and I was so unprepared to lose myself completely I did the worst thing I could, I fought...against 30 grams of the strongest strain of Truffles (Maybe 4/5 grams dried)...on a lemon tek, but you see...I meditate...everyday...for....uhhh whatever.
As I stared at my hand it felt like I was in the movie Get Out when the main character is trapped in his own body after step mother of the year hypnotises him with her words and mystical tea cup, but I could still move, I could still pace around the room literally apologising, asking whoever or whatever was listening to let me out. I would consider myself mainly an atheist so looking back and thinking about what I felt in those moments is now interesting, although I imagine many atheists turn to a higher power in their final moments, which as I believed in my heart, I was going to die.
I'll preface this next part by saying that I have a girlfriend who was working during this whole 'ordeal' or otherwise known as 'the incident' and I had carved out a solid 7 hour window in which I knew that I would be left alone to 'discover myself', at this point in the trip one of my main fears riding the merry go round was that my gf would suddenly appear in the doorway separating the kitchen and the living room where I was quickly losing all sense of self and just imagining the worst possible reactions that a human person can emote seeing what she would be exposed to and it was about the worst nightmare I could imagine at that point in time (Although time was a relative term at that point...in existence(?))
Things got worse as the minutes passed, you ever smoke to much, get so baked and then shower and you feel like you are literally in an angels embrace just beyond the pearly gates, another similar feeling of relief is when I stick my head under the tap in the bathroom and guzzle the months water supply of a small nation and literally feel that the feeling is comparable to that of ecstacy, yeah shrooms isn't at all like that is it? But it was my hail mary pass and at that point sitting on the couch praying to the mushroom gods and rocking back and forth staring at my hand like a character in the 3rd act of a 90's horror flick seemed to be pushing me further over the abyss. Walking to the bathroom was horrible, I still had that 'get out' passenger view through my eyes and my legs looked so very very far from my eyes, I decided to stick with a winning (?) formula and cried and prayed the gruelling 20 step walk while staring at my hand although at that point as far as reality anchors go, it was waivering and I was unsure of what I was at that point. I decide (whatever decide means at that point) to go straight to the cold shower and forego the 2nd option of potentially life affirming marathon water chug and as soon as the water hit my scalp I felt better. Haha nah just kidding, showering on shrooms is so alien I can't even describe what it felt like, especially running my hands through my wet hair, feels like aliens touching and carressing my scalp and not in anyway was it comforting, I was to far gone, Actually the cool water slowed my negative thoughts so that was something. I was back in the fetal position, but now I was naked in the shower with ET massaging my scalp as I lapped up cold water from the unwashed shower floor, afraid that if I shifted the water from my head in order to drink from the shower head the bad thoughts would instantly return and I just couldn't have that.
Who knows how deep I was now, how long it had been, what my name was, what I was, where I was or what the fuck was going on, I never gave in to the mushrooms, I kept fighting and fighting the whole way, I was a complete disaster, I hadn't only lost sight of why I was doing this, WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?', I didn't even know anything, nor did I remember ingestion, I was completely gone, my ego was gone, I was praying for what felt like forever, lying on the floor of my shower soaking wet, apologising to a non existent entity and begging to be let go. It was not over.
The shower helped in some ways but not in any real sense, I think I was still only going deeper and deeper into hell and the shower had been my hail mary, my brains sliver of sunshine, my 'AHA! moment' when I was fetal on the couch and it had failed me, I had no moves left, I was sitting up at this point and was shivering and needed to get warm, hot/warm water felt like torture as even slightly warm I was sure it would get hotter without notice and burn me which sent my anxiety through the roof. I finally mustered up the motivation to stand up and make moves, I think I was past the worst of it, I turn around, and my worst nightmare came to life, it came in the form of a person standing in front of me with a dumfounded and terrified look on their face.
Yes, you guessed it, my reflection! An absolute disaster and a true sight to behold, naked shivering and crying in all my wonderful glory. But that couldn't be me, I don't look that much like a primate?? Yes I was in the worst mental shape of my life at that second and I looked as bad as I physically could as a human, but I swear I could have been shipped to a cage in the local zoo, start snacking on whatever deluxe fruit was served that afternoon and noone would have been the wiser, it was terrifying dont look in the mirror! DON'T! I began touching my face and observing the incredible likeness I had to our primal ancestors and any illusions I had about what I actually looked like were shattered. But it did remind me of who I am a bit and that was a slight turning point. Side note, I felt that for a few days after the trip and struggled to look in the mirror without whincing a little bit, I dimmed the lights to the lowest possible setting and showered in the dark, but the feeling passed and I came to terms with the fact that as well as my illusions being shattered, the reality was, I was also out of my mind on shrooms and I was shivering and soaking wet from a freezing cold shower (I also forgot to moiturise that morning) #justshroomythings
Some more time passed and I did feel like I was slowly coming out of it, I still felt terrible, absolutely the worst I have ever felt, except for 5 minutes prior when I felt even worse (if that makes sense) than that and I took so much solace in that, slowly realising you're not going to die is a pretty amazing feeling, remembering who, where and what you are.
I returned to the safety of the pile of 45 blankets I had assembled in the corner of my living room couch and just as I was about to be met beneath them with what I imagine would have been incredible relief I realised that the window was ajar, I had opened it during the start of my meltdown/monster ego death in an attempt to get some fresh air and stay in control, had my inside cat gotten outside? Did a bird of prey take her to their nest to serve as food for their squaking evil offspring, whatever anxiety I had rangled into submission in whatever alotted time I penciled in for my alien shower flew off the handle again and I was back in it, running around the house stark naked screaming my cats name, praying that she was inside sleeping somewhere but she was nowhere to be found, the anxiety was unbearable, I was convinced she was gone and probably deceased, if not somehow decapitated. What would I say to my girlfriend? How could I be so stupid? At this moment I was at my open front door naked with the door which faces quite a busy road between cities screaming my cats name in 2 or 3 degree weather, and just before I completely destroyed my life and stepped outside in full view of whatever neighbour was walking their dog or peaking through the window after hearing a deranged soaking wet naked man that so closely resembled a chimp they wouldn't know whether to call the police or animal control to deal with this issue I hear a 'meow' behind me and I turn and yawning and pacing towards me looking slightly annoyed is my wonderful cat. I feel the most profound sense of relief that I have ever felt, it was truly otherwordly and once I was back inside with the door closed behind me I felt genuine euphoria for about10 minutes, I was crying and hugging my cat, who really wasn't having it but I didnt give her an option at that point.
I was back, side window was closed and I was under the pile of 82 blankets blaring Bob Marley again. The euphoria wore off, but I was out, I had been set free. I sat there with the music turned right down trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened. I said as such over and over and the more the euphoria faded the more active I became, I was pacing the room rubbing my hands over my damp head saying 'What the fuck' to myself genuinely unsure of what had just transpired. I hadn't learned the vast secrets of the universe or been amazed and immersed in the groovy wavy colours, I hadn't figured out my life purpose, or even made any leway in the journey towards it.
I was arrogant and reckless, I thought because I smoked alot of weed and meditated I was ahead of the pack and could take on any experience. I laughed at the idea of a trip sitter, I was so enamoured with the idea of a heroes journey that anything less would have been futile and in my mind pointless. I can say this, I have much more of an appreciation for life now, I thought in those hours that my time was up, that my journey had come to an end and in the early portion of my ego death I felt regret that I hadn't done more and been more. I have been humbled in my everyday life, and I feel as though I strive to be a better person. I now know how much I love my cat and my girlfriend, and am so grateful to have them. I quit sports gambling as a big theme of my trip was how I was a loser and I don't keep track of losses because if I did I would feel ashamed. I remember moments of the trip where I felt incredibly connected to everything, my biggest takeaway from this experience is that we all are connected deeply and that's an amazing thing to know I think. People have commented and messaged me that I'm too hard on myself calling myself an idiot and such, it's mainly in self deprecating jest but also just to hit home the point that any beginners reading this should not make my stupid mistakes! I'm not actually so down on myself! Plus I was reckless and frankly idiotic during this experience.
Anyone reading this who wants to experiment with psychadelics, they are no joke. Just because you've done every other drug under the sun and think you can handle anything, you can't, these things will rip apart the most stable person IF you are reckless with them, if you aren't prepared. Truth is, even someone else had written this and if I read this post before my trip and read the warnings I still think I would have done it, because I was reckless and felt invincible and I know some of you reading this feel that way too (beginners I mean), just start slow you idiot.
I hope this story doesn't deter anyone interested in a psychadelic experience, honestly I thought I would right a summary of my trip and hit post but 5 hours later hear I am proof reading this for the 4th time, writing about it has been theraputic and I appreciate all you real psychonauts who took the time to read it (I tried to make it as entertaining as I could). I'm sure shrooms are amazing and transformative in the right environment and used by the right educated person at a proper beginner level dose, DON'T BE RECKLESS...DON'T BE ME!
The last thing I'll say is that I remember over and over apologising to the 'mushroom gods' or whatever entity I believed was there as I was falling to the depths of hell in my experience and I remember saying that if they let me out, if they let me free and if they allowed me to live I would never return, I would never use shrooms again, that I was unworthy and even though I could potentially take a much lower dose and be fine, I made a promise that afternoon and I intend to keep it, and I'm an atheist (?) so that's just how profound this experience was.